close menu

Building a Relationship with the Adoptive Family [You Can Create a Forever Connection]

How to Create a Lifelong Bond During Your Pregnancy

Not only are you in charge of every aspect of your adoption, including finding the perfect adoptive family, but choosing an open adoption creates the opportunity to connect and carry on a shared bond between you and the adoptive family for a lifetime. Call 1-800-ADOPTION now to get started.

Here are just three benefits of building a relationship with your child’s adoptive parents:

  • Through open adoption, you can begin creating the foundation for a lifelong relationship with the adoptive family. 
  • Your relationship with the adoptive family helps you remain a fixture in your child’s life. 
  • You can choose the amount of contact and the type of relationship with the adoptive family that best fits your needs and comfort level. 

Many women considering adoption wonder, “Do the birth and adoptive families of an adopted person become friends?” 

The answer is yes! Adoption was once considered a very private and anonymous pregnancy option, but since the 1980s, adoption is widely accepted and considered a loving and heroic act.  

The majority of adoption professionals, led by American Adoptions, strongly encourage open birth mother and adoptive family relationships and communication. This connection is called “open adoption” or “semi-open adoption,” depending on the amount and frequency of contact.  

Many women who choose adoption feel anxious about creating a trusting bond with the adoptive family. Some wonder how it works and what their options are, while others are unsure of how to proceed with this relationship. 

There’s good news: We know it can be done. With more than 30 years of serving expectant mothers in the adoption process, we’ve seen open adoptions blossom into lifelong friendships. Through intentional effort from both sides, open adoption can become a foundation connection pre-adoption and a meaningful relationship for the rest of your lives. 

Here’s how. 

To start the adoption process with our agency or get more information on open adoption and building a relationship with the adoptive family, call us toll-free today at 1-800-ADOPTION, or visit our online contact forms for prospective birth mothers and prospective adoptive parents. 

Pre-Placement Contact: The Beginning of an Amazing Journey 

When you choose adoption for your baby, one of the first things you will do is create an adoption plan. You’ll do this with the help of an American Adoptions specialist. This plan involves a lot of decisions, and one of them is the amount of contact you want to have with the adoptive family – now and after the adoption. 

You’re in charge of the adoption process, so this is totally up to you. Some women want to have a completely open adoption, with face-to-face interaction and regular in-person visits with the adoptive family.

Semi-open adoption, where communication happens via email, text, phone conversation and letters, is also an option. You should choose what feels best for you when creating your plan. 

Pre-placement contact can be incredibly beneficial during the process. It helps you get to know the family, which can give you a sense of confidence and peace about who you chose to adopt your baby. It’s also the foundation of a lasting birth mother and adoptive family relationship. 

Post-Placement Communication: A Lasting Connection 

After you have given birth and officially consented to the adoption, the baby will be placed with the adoptive family. The family then has about six more months of post-placement visits and other requirements before receiving the final decree of adoption from a court. 

The time immediately following placement can be sensitive and emotional for everyone. It is also the time when your relationship with the adoptive family takes its next step — moving into post-placement communication. 

Post-placement communication can happen in many ways and, just like pre-placement contact, it is up to you to decide how you’d like this to go. Many birth mothers choose to receive: 

  • Photos  
  • Letter updates 
  • Mail  
  • Text  
  • Phone calls  
  • Video chats  

Others may choose in-person visits and completely open contact. 

We know that as a woman choosing adoption for your baby, you have hopes and dreams for them. This choice comes from love. Post-placement contact can bring a sense of lasting peace as you witness the opportunity and love your child receives from their adoptive family. 

You can get more information on post-placement contact by calling 1-800-ADOPTION. We can help you decide how much and what type of communication fits your needs and comfort level. 

Building a Relationship: How to Create a Lasting Bond 

Building a long-lasting birth mother and adoptive family relationship is important. The bond you share with the adoptive parents is unique and full of emotion.

Through open adoption, you can share a lifelong relationship with the adoptive parents and experience the same joys over your child through various forms of communication.

What are the best ways to create a genuine, sustained relationship? While every situation looks different, here are some things you can do pre-and post-placement to strengthen this connection:


  • Be proactive in establishing your adoption plan with your adoption specialist. 
  • Start communicating early — don’t wait until you are almost ready to give birth.
  • Consider sending pictures of sonograms and other updates. 
  • Communicate around big life moments, like holidays or birthdays. 


  • Initially give space — you both need it to process the emotions of placing a baby for adoption and, on the adoptive family side, starting a new family. 
  • Send encouraging messages as the adoptive parents’ life completely changes. 
  • Try to be flexible, understanding that life does change and some seasons may involve more communication than others. 
  • Trust the family to continue to work on this relationship as hard as you are. 

These are some of the things you can do to help create a good relationship with the adoptive family. But, you’re only half of the equation. The family has a lot they can do, as well. One way you can be confident that the adoptive family will be proactive in this relationship is by working with American Adoptions. 

We thoroughly screen all of our families, and we require them to be willing to accept at least a semi-open adoption. Through our process, we only present you with adoptive family profiles of families whose desires for open adoption match your own.

Building a strong open adoption relationship takes work on your end and on the family’s side. With American Adoptions, you can be confident you will only be presented with great families. 

Helina, a birth mom that placed her child for adoption with us, maintains an incredibly close relationship through an open adoption with the adoptive parents she chose.

“About two weeks after leaving the hospital, I got my first email from Jen. It was so great to hear from them. We emailed on a weekly basis. When it comes to holidays and birthdays, I treat PJ like my other two. I make sure that they all get the same number of gifts. A year after PJ was born, I was able to travel to Philadelphia and visit with them. We went to the zoo, children’s museum, and went out a few times. They welcomed me with open arms. The following year, I was able to see them three or four times. Each year, to this day, I am able to travel to Philadelphia to see them,” Helina says.

“We are a close family now. My children know that PJ is their brother. This past June, Jen and Pete came to Florida for a long weekend. It was a great time. I enjoyed watching PJ and my children interact. They were able to see my son play baseball, and we went to Orlando for a few days.”

With our help, you can experience a relationship like this.

Learn More about Building an Open Adoption Relationship 

You aren’t alone when you choose adoption. You are supported by all the resources our agency has to offer, and you receive guidance from an adoption specialist throughout the process. You likely have more questions about building a strong open adoption relationship, and our specialists are the perfect people to ask. 

You can get more adoption information at any time or speak to a specialist today by calling 1-800-ADOPTION.   

You can also ask Michelle, a birth parent specialist and a birth parent herself. Michelle is ready to answer any questions you have about putting a baby up for adoption.            

“I am available to answer any questions that arise, particularly from birth moms, as I have been in your shoes and know how you are feeling.” 

Information available through these links is the sole property of the companies and organizations listed therein. American Adoptions provides this information as a courtesy and is in no way responsible for its content or accuracy.

Request Free Information

View Waiting Families
Want to speak to someone who has chosen adoption?
Meet Michelle — A Proud Birth Mom
Ask an Adoption Question
View More Waiting Familes
Frequently Asked Questions

Why is American Adoptions the right adoption agency choice for many birth mothers?

American Adoptions is one of the largest licensed adoption agencies in the United States. Each year, we work with thousands of women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy and offer assistance to these women. Our large, caring staff is able to assist you seven days a week and provide you with one-on-one counseling about your pregnancy and available options.

You should choose an adoption agency where you feel completely comfortable with their services and staff. With American Adoptions, you will work with an Adoption Specialist who is on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The Adoption Specialist will be your advocate and will provide support and guidance as you create an adoption plan that is right for you.

How will the family tell my child about me and the adoption when my child is older?

Each family has their own style of introducing adoption to the child. When you are matched with an adoptive family, you can ask them this question. If you would like your Adoption Specialist to discuss it for you, just let her know. He or she can share your wishes or provide good ideas from other adoptive families.

You will also be able to share what you want your baby to know about you. You can complete a keepsake booklet to share hobbies, stories, photos of you and your family and a letter to your baby. The adoptive family can provide this to your child as he or she grows older. Be as creative as you like! Some birth mothers have even knitted a special blanket as a gift to their baby or given a similar symbol of their love.

The father of your baby can fill out the birth father's keepsake booklet or write a letter too. You may have other family members who would also like to share photos or a letter to the baby. This is your opportunity to pass on your and your family's love and to share your personality, history and reasons for choosing adoption. The adoptive family will treasure whatever information you provide and will share it with the baby at an appropriate age. In most adoptive homes, the word adoption is in the child's vocabulary early on, and adoption is celebrated in their lives.

Additional Resources

Teen Pregnancy - Information for Young Women

While not every woman who chooses adoption is a young mother, many are. Through adoption, many young women have found an ability to give their babies the best life possible, while finding the opportunity to realize their own dreams, as well. Call American Adoptions today at 1-800-ADOPTION.

Read More

Adoption Glossary

Do adoption terms and phrases leave you feeling confused? Learn the meaning to key adoption words and phrases with our comprehensive adoption glossary.

Read More