Pregnancy and infancy loss is a difficult topic to discuss. Unfortunately, this is the reality for many families.

If you are someone who has lost a pregnancy or infant, the pain you are feeling might make it feel impossible to move forward. Or maybe you’re worried that moving forward means forgetting your baby. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Finding closure doesn’t mean forgetting what you lost. It means building the foundations to start again. One of the ways you can do this is by taking the time to commemorate the little one you lost.

That’s why October has been chosen to be Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness Month. This is a time for families to mourn and reflect on what they’re feeling.  Many who have experienced this kind of loss aren’t sure where to turn or how to cope. During this month we encourage those who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or infant to come together and lean on each other as you remember the ones lost.

You are not alone. This month stands to help these families cope with your loss in your own way.

How to Cope with Pregnancy or Infancy Loss [Coping with Grief]

The emotions that accompany this loss can be unbearable. You might not be sure where to turn. Not everyone processes loss in the same way. What might work for one family might not work for another. Fortunately, there are an abundance of resources available to help you during this difficult time.

Step 1.Confide in your Support System

The pain of losing an infant or pregnancy will stick with you for years to come. You should never have to go through this difficult time on your own. Grief doesn’t have to be a solo journey. Internalizing these difficult emotions will only fuel the feelings of sadness and loss and will make it difficult to move forward.

Whether it is a spouse, parent, sibling or friend, venting these emotions to someone can be cathartic. It allows you some emotional release and talking through the emotions can help you process everything you are feeling. National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is also a chance for others who have experienced similar loss to connect and build each other up.

Step 2. Find a support group

Having the support of a friend or family member is invaluable. You can also find support groups and online forums for others who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or infant. Meeting with people who intimately understand what you’re going through can be therapeutic. These groups can connect you with valuable resources and allow you to give and receive emotional support.

Step 3. Commemorate Your Loss in Your Own Way

While October is the awareness month, October 15 is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness Remembrance Day. This could be a good time to commemorate what you have lost in a way that’s special to you. This could be lighting a candle, planting a tree or creating your own personal memorial. Check to see if your community has organized a walk or charity event. There is no right or wrong way to go about this. Everyone grieves differently.

These commemorative gestures are not only meant to remember your lost little one, but to hopefully bring you a sense of closure.

Many surrogacy specialists can provide counseling and support to intended parents who are coping with their grief during this difficult month. They can also refer you to trusted professional counselors and/or other pregnancy and infant loss support groups. 

The surrogacy groups listed below can help you cope with your grief and connect with others who are experiencing something similar: 

You can also find a full list of infertility and infant loss groups in the United States here

The important take away here is that you are not alone. If you have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or infant, you shouldn’t have to suffer in silence. Surround yourselves with your loved ones or connect with a support group. There is an entire community of people who share your grief and can give each other the strength to move forward.  To get the emotional support you need, reach out to an adoption specialist today.