Going through an adoption can prompt many questions and comments from spectators about the process itself or even of the adopted child and birth family. Some people ask with sincere thoughtfulness on the subject, and others have an approach that comes across rude or insensitive to all parties involved. Some adoptive families can find the questioning bothersome or cause a weary spirit when continually bombarded by the repeated interrogation.
If you find yourself having these feelings about constant adoption questions, reconsider your mindset and refocus on why adoption brought you joy. At one point, you may have shared common questions with people trying to understand the process of adoption. We can first put ourselves in the shoes of the inquisitor to better comprehend why some questions are asked and why they are asked in certain ways. Maybe someone never grew up around adoption, or maybe they have skewed opinions about the process from family ideas.
Reexamining the questions you are frequently being asked will help you give the best responses to curious people. If you are finding a question or two that seem to run on repeat, decide what your answer will always be to those questions. Also, if some questions strike a nerve or evoke certain emotions, focus on those responses first. Being ready and prepared for common questions that may be asked about your adoption will help soften the surprise when asked and can help make your response more informational rather than over-emotional.
Most people who have asked my husband and I questions about why we are adopting, what choices we have made during the process, and what we plan to do once we bring our adopted child home have the best of intentions behind their questions. We have quickly learned that questions asked are mostly fueled by curiosity and support of adoption. Of the inquiries we have gotten that have seemed less thoughtful, the response we give is the most important for that person to be better educated about adoption in general and our family’s views on the subject. When we respond in love and with grace, even in the face of some not-so-sympathetic interests, we are demonstrating the ideal that has become so important to us.
Our family now sees these questions as the greatest opportunity for sharing our story throughout the adoption process and not as a burden to weary our souls from the inquisitions. As we go through the waiting of our adoption and a subsequent match with an expectant mother, we will be grateful for the chance to give a reaction to anyone who has questions about adoption or our family’s choice so that we are better educating those around us on how to be heartfelt in their interest and how to better approach another family in the future who has also chosen adoption. Of all the questions we have been asked and will be asked, we pray we never become tired of answering them, because we will strive to create a better adoption community and earn the support of curious people as their intellect grows about a passion we love.
Jill is a 32-year-old wife and mom. She has been married to her husband, Brannon, for eight years and has 5-year-old and 1-year-old daughters. Jill and her husband are currently in the adoption process to bring another baby into their home. Jill lives in a small community in Kentucky. She has her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Spanish and obtained her Master’s degree in Christian Ministries. Jill’s passions are her faith, her family, writing, playing sports, and eating good food.