When a pregnant woman chooses adoption for her child, it’s never an easy decision. It’s one that she has to come to on her own, but that doesn’t mean she has to go through it on her own. If you’re a pregnant woman who’s chosen adoption for your child, it’s going to be important that you have a support system in place.
The first step in assembling that support system, then, is to choose who to tell about your adoption plan. Some women prefer to tell only a few close friends or family members. Others aren’t as concerned with keeping it a secret. It’s completely up to you who you do or don’t tell about your decision. If you’re having qualms about how to do it, though, that’s where we can help.
If you’ve chosen to pursue adoption for your baby, you’ve probably spoken with an adoption specialist. This can be a great resource when you’re deciding how to tell those close to you about your choice. By talking with you about your specific situation and family dynamic, your adoption specialist can help you come up with a plan for communicating with the people in your life about what’s going on.
Your adoption specialist will probably suggest that you first tell those who you think will be supportive of your decision. It’s entirely possible that not everyone will be, and it’s going to be much easier to handle those discussions when you have someone in your corner already. You may even want someone to accompany you when you go to tell those whom you feel might not understand your choice.
With that in mind, though, know that people might not react in the way that you anticipate. If people still don’t know about your pregnancy, you might consider telling them about that before bringing up adoption. Telling someone that you’re unexpectedly pregnant and have decided on adoption in the same conversation could be a little overwhelming for the recipient, and that may affect the response you receive.
If that response is a negative one, try not to take it personally. First, give them some time to digest the news. It may be that they’ll come around as soon as they’ve had time to process what’s happening. If that’s not the case, it might be necessary to tell them what you know about today’s adoptions. Sometimes people have preconceived notions about adoptions that are based on the way adoptions used to take place. When they understand what today’s adoptions look like, they may be able to better understand and support your adoption plan.
When telling them about your adoption decision and why you made it, make sure you explain that:
- You are in charge of the entire process.
- You get to choose the adoptive family.
- You’ll receive financial assistance for pregnancy-related expenses.
- You’ll be able to achieve goals that you wouldn’t be able to pursue while raising a child at this point.
- You get to choose the amount of contact you have with your child and their adoptive family.
Even if whoever you’re talking to still can’t get on board with your adoption plan, make sure they know you’re still going through with it. Just as you should never let those close to you talk you into adoption against your wishes, you should also never let them talk you out of it. Adoption is your decision and your decision alone.
If you’re having trouble with unsupportive friends or family members, or if you aren’t sure how to begin the adoption conversation, remember that our adoption specialists are available to you 24/7. To speak with one, call 1-800-ADOPTION.