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BOARD: Adoptee Forum » Other Topics for Adoptees.

TOPIC: looking for birth mother or father. born 9-4-70

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Linda Miller (Suzi)	Posted: Apr 16, 2005 11:48:36 PM Wanted to know my medical history. Having a hard time finding out. It was a closed adoption in Oklahoma City.

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What About My Responsibilities as the Father?

“This was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.”

Shawn, Birth Father

When it comes to dealing with an unexpected pregnancy, much of the compassion, sympathy and focus is placed on the woman. But what about the father?

As the father of the baby, you too are more than likely dealing with a rollercoaster of emotions. Much like the emotions being experienced by the mother, you are also likely to experience shock, denial, anger, sadness and other feelings. Many fathers express there is often a state of confusion on how to put into words what they are truly feeling. Much of the time feelings of embarrassment and a loss of control are expressed by the birth father.

However, many men also feel that by agreeing to place the baby for adoption that they are somehow not living up to their responsibilities, or are not being “man enough.” Many men also have a strong sense of pride and struggle accepting the fact that they cannot give their baby the life that an adoptive family can. Many find it difficult to understand the reasons the birth mother is choosing an adoption plan. Others incorrectly believe the birth mother is choosing adoption to get back at them if the relationship is not a friendly one. Many fear others are looking at them as somehow failing their child, family and friends, or that they are taking the “easy way out.”

No matter what your reasons are for struggling with an adoption decision for your child, the truth is that adoption is anything but the “easy way out,” nor is it a choice made by a man who is not living up to his responsibilities. Rather, it is very much the opposite. Supporting the adoption of your child is one of the most responsible, unselfish things a father can do. It is a choice that means you care so much for your child that you are willing to give them a better life than you and the birth mother can give them right now.

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American Adoptions Message Board

BOARD: Adoptee Forum » Other Topics for Adoptees.TOPIC: looking for birth mother or father. born 9-4-70

What About My Responsibilities as the Father?

BOARD: Adoptee Forum » Other Topics for Adoptees.

TOPIC: looking for birth mother or father. born 9-4-70