Keeping Your Adoption Plan Secret
How a Confidential or Secret Adoption is Possible
Placing a baby for adoption is an emotional and challenging decision. Because of this, some women choose to pursue a secret adoption.
If you are pregnant and have chosen adoption for your child, the best-case scenario is that you have a solid support system to lean on throughout the adoption process. Hopefully, you have family, friends, and even your baby’s father in your corner supporting your decision to pursue adoption for your baby.
But we realize that is not always the case, and you may have to separate yourself from people who aren’t supportive of you or your plans for your child. This may cause you to want to keep your pregnancy and adoption kept secret from certain people in your life.
Adoption is a very personal decision, and you generally have the right to tell or not to tell whomever you feel comfortable with. Secret or confidential adoption is absolutely an option for you, as you are not obligated to consider anyone but yourself and your child. If you know that adoption is in your baby’s best interests, no one should tell you otherwise.
But the challenge is keeping your adoption a secret. Can you give a child for adoption anonymously? What does confidential adoption mean, and how could it work for you and your baby?
In this article, you will learn more about secret adoption and pregnancy before, during, and after the process. At any time, you can call 1-800-ADOPTION or fill out our online form to get more information on how to have a secret adoption and to speak with an adoption professional about your situation. Until then, continue reading this guide on how you can complete a confidential adoption.
What is a Confidential Adoption?
There are a few different ways you could define confidential adoption. In one sense, every adoption is a confidential adoption, because any information you share with American Adoptions will be kept private. We know that confidentiality in adoption is important to many women, and American Adoptions will not share information about you or your adoption plan without your permission. A woman who is interested in a confidential adoption may simply want to know that her information will be protected throughout the adoption process, and that’s always the case at American Adoptions.
Often, though, the secret, closed, or confidential adoption definition refers to an adoption in which the prospective birth mother chooses to keep her identity private and exchange no contact with the adoptive family during or after the adoption process.
If you want to keep your adoption and pregnancy hidden from certain friends or relatives, you may choose a closed or confidential adoption to help maintain your privacy. While most adoptions today are open, closed adoption is still an option for you.
However, there are some challenges of closed adoption to consider before choosing this option — and there may be even more challenges if you choose to keep your pregnancy and adoption plan hidden from your friends and family members.
Confidential Adoption Pros and Cons
Before deciding that closed or confidential adoption is right for you, it’s important to seriously consider the confidential adoption pros and cons.
Pros of a Closed or Confidential Adoption:
In some cases, there may be some advantages to secret or anonymous adoption.
- Women may be able to avoid some conflict with unsupportive friends or family members.
- In certain abusive situations, keeping adoption a secret may be necessary to protect the prospective birth mother and her baby.
- Some women feel that they are better able to heal in a closed, anonymous adoption (one in which they do not exchange information or have contact with the adoptive family or their child after the adoption).
Birth mother Erika and her fiancé chose to keep their adoption a secret from their family members, including their children. However, they still receives updates about their daughter from the adoptive family. They felt that this arrangement worked best for them and their family.
“We both have the kind of families who would definitely agree and want what’s best for us, but at the same point, especially my mother, who I love dearly — she would be that person who, every time I would talk to her on the phone, she would be constantly bringing it up, when I wouldn’t necessarily want her to,” Erika said. “It would be really hard on me, especially… I didn’t want to burden my kids with that big of a secret.”
Like Erika, you can choose to keep your adoption confidential from certain people in your life, and still maintain a relationship with your child and his or her adoptive parents, if you’d like.
Cons of a Closed or Confidential Adoption:
However, there are many serious challenges of secret adoption to consider before choosing this option.
- For women who want to keep their pregnancy and adoption a secret from people in their lives, hiding a pregnancy is physically and practically challenging.
- Attempting to keep your pregnancy and adoption plan a secret may also make it more difficult for you to receive the services you need, such as prenatal care and adoption counseling.
- If your confidential adoption is a closed adoption, this means you will not have any contact with your child after placement. A closed adoption (whether secret or not) is right for some birth parents, but it can also have emotional consequences of its own for both you and your child.
And most importantly, if you choose to keep your adoption a secret, you may be missing out on valuable support from your friends and family members — not only during the adoption process but also after. Keeping this secret long-term can be emotionally challenging and may make it more difficult to process your feelings of grief and loss after placement.
For these reasons, American Adoptions recommends keeping adoption a secret only if it is necessary for the wellbeing of yourself and your child. In most cases, we also encourage women to consider maintaining an open adoption with their child after placement.
While it may seem difficult now, telling a few select friends or family members about your pregnancy and adoption may actually be a comfort to you. You may be surprised to find that instead of being disappointed in you, they are actually supportive of your confidential adoption plan. Your adoption professional can provide advice and support for how to have these conversations.
Birth mother Amanda was nervous to tell her parents when she found out she was pregnant.
“I was unsure of how my parents would react to the news,” she said. “I was almost two months along when I got up the courage to tell them. They were more understanding and supportive than I could have ever fathomed.”
After telling her parents, Amanda’s mom became an important member of her support team, helping her connect with a local counselor and explore her options. Confiding in even one or two trusted people in your life may help you find the same support.
However, not all women feel comfortable sharing the news of their pregnancy or adoption. If this describes your situation, contact an adoption professional at 1-800-ADOPTION (800-236-7846) to learn ways to share the news of your pregnancy or to continue keeping your adoption secret.
How to Have a Secret Adoption
If you decide that a closed or confidential adoption is best for you, your next step is learning how to go about a secretive adoption in a way that is legal and safe for you and your baby. Your adoption professional will respect and support you however she can through the process, and she can help you create a private or secret adoption plan that you’re comfortable with.
In general, though, you will probably take the following steps to keep your adoption secret:
Step 1: Contact our confidential adoption counselors.
When you reach out to American Adoptions, you’ll be connected with your own individual adoption specialist, who will guide you through the rest of your adoption process and provide the support and services you need.
It’s important to always be honest with your adoption specialist so she can help you make the right adoption plan to fit your needs. You will need to share certain details, such as demographic and medical history information, with American Adoptions, to make an adoption plan. But remember that nothing you share with your adoption professional will prevent you from pursuing adoption, and everything you share will be kept confidential. Your adoption professional will not share your information without your permission.
Step 2: Determine that a private, secret adoption is really right for you.
What is confidential adoption to you? As we mentioned above, this might simply mean an adoption in which your personal information is kept private by your adoption professional. For other women, it means keeping adoption a secret from certain friends or family members. And for others, it could mean a closed adoption in which your identifying information isn’t shared with the adoptive family.
However you define confidential adoption, your adoption professional will work with you to create a plan that is tailored to your needs and preferences. You are always in charge of your adoption process. You’ll be able to choose your child’s adoptive family (if you’d like to), determine how you want your stay in the hospital to go, decide whether or not to tell those closest to you, and more.
Step 3: Consider relocating during your pregnancy to protect your privacy.
If you want to keep your pregnancy hidden during your adoption process, you might wonder, “Where can I have a baby in secret for adoption?” Some women can hide their weight gain and growing bellies easier than others. Whether it is by wearing strategic clothing or avoiding certain people whom you don’t want to know the news, keeping your pregnancy secret can be difficult, but it can be done.
In some cases, American Adoptions can even help you relocate to another town for the duration of your pregnancy. These situations are handled on a case-by-case basis. Some reasons women choose to relocate are to:
- avoid a physically or verbally abusive situation.
- seek support from family members or friends in another location.
- keep their pregnancy and adoption secret from certain family members or friends, for various reasons.
If any of these situations apply to you, or if you feel like you need to move during your pregnancy for a different reason, you can get more information on this process now by calling 1-800-ADOPTION.
Contact a Secret Adoption Agency Today
If you are pregnant and considering a secret adoption plan for your baby, you may want to work with an anonymous adoption agency that will respect your privacy and keep your adoption plan confidential while providing all of the services, support, and guidance you need.
If you are searching for agencies that do a confidential adoption, look no further than American Adoptions. With over 30 years of experience as one of the nation’s largest domestic infant adoption agencies, we can help you create the adoption plan you are most comfortable with and provide the support system you need during this challenging time.
Some of the services we provide include :
- 24/7 counseling and support services: No matter when you have questions, or just need to talk to someone, you will always have an adoptive professional ready to help 365 days a year, 24 hours a day.
- Financial assistance: Adoption is always free for prospective birth mothers. You also may be eligible to receive financial assistance to help cover medical bills, living expenses, and more. Your assistance will vary depending upon your specific situation, but your adoption professional will be able to explain this process.
- Your own adoption attorney: Having a trusted adoption attorney by your side throughout your adoption journey will help ensure all steps are being completed legally and ethically. American adoptions helps pair you with legal representation so you don’t have to add the stress and frustration of searching on your own.
- And much more
You are in control of your adoption, we are just here to help keep you on track. Contact an adoption professional at any time by calling our anonymous adoption hotline at 1-800-ADOPTION. You can also fill out our free information form to get more information on a secret adoption or to discuss any of the beneficial services we can offer.
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