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Can I Keep My Adoption Plan Secret?

How Keeping Your Adoption Secret is Possible

If you are pregnant and have chosen adoption for your child, the best-case scenario is that you have a solid support system to lean on throughout the adoption process. However, for some women, such support isn’t always available.

In fact, some expectant mothers even want their pregnancy and adoption kept secret.

Adoption is a very personal decision, and you have the right to tell or not to tell whomever you feel comfortable with. But the challenge is keeping your pregnancy a secret.

In this article, learn more about secret adoption and pregnancy before, during and after the process.

What is a Confidential Adoption?

Secret, closed or confidential adoption generally refers to any adoption in which the prospective birth mother chooses to keep her identity private and exchange no contact with the adoptive family during or after the adoption process.

If you want to keep your adoption and pregnancy hidden from certain friends or relatives, you may choose a closed adoption to help maintain your privacy. While most adoptions today are open or semi-open, closed adoption is still an option for you.

However, there are some challenges of closed adoption to consider before choosing this option — and there may be even more challenges if you choose to keep your pregnancy and adoption plan hidden from your friends and family members.

Hiding Your Pregnancy in a Confidential Adoption

Some women are able to hide their weight gain and growing bellies easier than others. Whether it is by wearing strategic clothing or avoiding certain people whom you don’t want to know the news, keeping your pregnancy secret can be difficult, but it can be done.

And, if necessary, American Adoptions can even help you relocate to another town for the duration of your pregnancy. These situations are handled on a case-by-case basis. Some reasons women choose to relocate are to:

  • avoid a physically or verbally abusive situation.

  • seek support from family members or friends in another location.

  • keep their pregnancy and adoption secret from certain family members or friends, for various reasons.

In some cases, there may be some advantages to secret or anonymous adoption; women may be able to avoid some conflict with unsupportive friends or family members, and in certain abusive situations, keeping adoption a secret may be necessary to protect the prospective birth mother and her baby.

However, there are many serious challenges of secret adoption to consider before choosing this option. Hiding a pregnancy is not only physically and practically challenging, but it may also make it more difficult for you to receive the services you need, such as prenatal care and adoption counseling. In some cases, lying about your pregnancy or adoption plans, especially to the baby’s father, may even legally complicate the adoption process.

And most importantly, if you choose to keep your adoption a secret, you may be missing out on valuable support from your friends and family members — not only during the adoption process, but also after. Keeping this secret long-term can be emotionally challenging and may make it more difficult to process your feelings of grief and loss after placement.  For these reasons, American Adoptions recommends keeping adoption a secret only if it is necessary for the wellbeing of yourself and your child.

While it may seem difficult now, telling a few select friends or family members about your pregnancy and adoption may actually be a comfort to you. You may be surprised to find that instead of being disappointed in you, they are actually supportive of your confidential adoption plan.

However, not all women feel comfortable sharing the news of their pregnancy or adoption. If this describes your situation, contact an Adoption Specialist at 1-800-ADOPTION (800-236-7846) to learn ways to share the news of your pregnancy or to continue keeping your adoption secret.

Contact a Secret Adoption Agency with No Obligation

If you are pregnant and considering a secret adoption plan for your baby, you may want to work with an anonymous adoption agency that will respect your privacy and keep your adoption plan confidential while providing all of the services, support and guidance you need.

You may contact an adoption specialist at any time by calling 1-800-ADOPTION for free information. Your call is completely confidential and does not obligate you to proceed with an adoption plan. 

Information available through these links is the sole property of the companies and organizations listed therein. America Adoptions, Inc. provides this information as a courtesy and is in no way responsible for its content or accuracy.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Why is American Adoptions the right adoption agency choice for many birth mothers?

American Adoptions is one of the largest licensed adoption agencies in the United States. Each year, we work with thousands of women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy and offer assistance to these women. Our large, caring staff is able to assist you seven days a week and provide you with one-on-one counseling about your pregnancy and available options.

You should choose an adoption agency where you feel completely comfortable with their services and staff. With American Adoptions, you will work with an Adoption Specialist who is on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The Adoption Specialist will be your advocate and will provide support and guidance as you create an adoption plan that is right for you.

How will the family tell my child about me and the adoption when my child is older?

Each family has their own style of introducing adoption to the child. When you are matched with an adoptive family, you can ask them this question. If you would like your Adoption Specialist to discuss it for you, just let her know. He or she can share your wishes or provide good ideas from other adoptive families.

You will also be able to share what you want your baby to know about you. You can complete a keepsake booklet to share hobbies, stories, photos of you and your family and a letter to your baby. The adoptive family can provide this to your child as he or she grows older. Be as creative as you like! Some birth mothers have even knitted a special blanket as a gift to their baby or given a similar symbol of their love.

The father of your baby can fill out the birth father's keepsake booklet or write a letter too. You may have other family members who would also like to share photos or a letter to the baby. This is your opportunity to pass on your and your family's love and to share your personality, history and reasons for choosing adoption. The adoptive family will treasure whatever information you provide and will share it with the baby at an appropriate age. In most adoptive homes, the word adoption is in the child's vocabulary early on, and adoption is celebrated in their lives.

Additional Resources

Teen Pregnancy - Information for Young Women

While not every woman who chooses adoption is a young mother, many are. Through adoption, many young women have found an ability to give their babies the best life possible, while finding the opportunity to realize their own dreams, as well. Call American Adoptions today at 1-800-ADOPTION.

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Adoption Glossary

Do adoption terms and phrases leave you feeling confused? Learn the meaning to key adoption words and phrases with our comprehensive adoption glossary.

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