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| Maggie | Posted: Sep 20, 2005 07:07:50 PM
HI Beth,
I'm sorry to hear that you're having difficulty with finding your Mom and about adoption in general. I think that rejection is a big issue that adoptees have to deal with. I have received information from the
Oklahoma DHS. Not only did my birth
mom give me up for adoption, but the
first foster mom I had, couldn't keep me
due to family matters, and I was given
to a second foster family before I was
adopted. Talk about feeling rejected!
My birth mom was 16 years old, I have
found out. She became pregnant while
visiting in California but came back
to Oklahoma to live. The birth father
apparently never knew she was
pregnant. So I may have a birth
father out there in California somewhere
if he is still living, who has no idea that
I exist. My adopted parents didn't tell
me I was adopted until I was 11 years
old. I was stunned.
I wish you the best of luck in your search.
Maggie
| | Beth | Posted: Sep 17, 2005 08:04:08 AM
I wasn't finished. I feel misplaced. Don't get me wrong I had wonderful parents. My father is 92 and the type of person who can never do enough for charity or friends. Everyone loves him. Good luck with your search. I just hope that I will be able to connect with a parent or sibbling. The hospital I was born is has been distroyed and a new one somewhere esle was built. I know the date my adoption papers went threw the Mineola Court Houses. The real birth certificate is in a sealed file at the Department of Health, in Albany, New York. It's probally inder lock and key in a big vault. In other words mission impossiable. Good luck to all.
Beth
| | Beth | Posted: Sep 17, 2005 07:29:14 AM
Hi Pat and Maggie,
Finally some women my age. I was born in 1949. I agree with everything you have said. My Adopted Father has said several times that he would help me find my mother but he's done nothing. They just don't understand the need to know what heritage and curcomstances occured that lead to your arrival here on earth. I read Joe Soll's book. 'The Path to recovery.' It put a lot of words to feeling burrried deep within. It was an amazing book. I highly reccomend reading it.
I too would like to find my birthmother, I know she lived in Queens in a rough neighborhood. My father has said to me several times when the subject comes up, You might not like what you find. I said I didnot care if she were poor or a whore. My inner feelings are that she was very young when I was born. I'm also affraid of rejection. To top things off New York records are closed. Have you read his book? Have you read any other good books for adopties.
I can tell you I am very messed up in the head from the whole ordeal. I never felt like I belonged at family functions. It was always in the back of my head that one day I would have a reunion with my birth mother. and hopefully some sisters and brothers. I
| | Maggie | Posted: Jul 22, 2005 02:11:58 PM
Hi Pat,
Thank you so much for your very kind message.
Sorry I did not see it until today. I had not checked back here at the website for awhile.
What I have done is contact Oklahoma Department of Human Services to get
the forms to put my name in their
registry of adult adoptees, just to see if
there might be a match with a birth family member. I received the forms and have them ready to go out in the mail now.
I'm sorry to hear that your experience
with locating a birth family member
didn't go very well. I have been reading
on a number of the adoption message
boards recently and have read some
of the messages from people who
met their birth mom or dad and it
turned out in a disappointing way.
I understand that a possible reunion
with a birth parent might not go well
or they might not even want contact
with me.
Both my adoptive parents have passed
away. My brother who was also adopted
found some of his birth family last year.
He never told our adopted Mother.
I don't think I would have either. I think
it would have upset her.
Maggie
| | Pat | Posted: Jul 22, 2005 03:13:27 AM
Maggie, I'm adopted also, and it's a coincidence that we're both born in 1950. Being that you know your birthname, have you looked in the phone book and made phone calls to folks with that same name? I'd call all the folks with that last name in your city of birth. Somebody might just have some info for you. Actually, I did make contact with my maternal birthparent that way. I called information for the city I heard she was living in. I gave Information her first and last name. No, there was no one listed with that. Then I gave her first initial and last name. I was given a phone number, which I was expecting not to be the right one. Lo and behold, it was the phone number of my birhparent.!!! What a shock and surprise that was, really for both of us. Another idea is - what about contacting the hospital you were born in? Also, have you tried to obtain your original birth certificate, which will have that name on it. You have really 2 birth certificates., the original one and the one created when you were legally adopted. I have to tell you, though, that if and when you meet your birthparent(s), you may or may not be received well. What I'm referring to is - my birthparent (maternal) was originally not happy I contacted her. She had two other children, who knew nothing about me. She feared that I would tell them about me. I actually talked on the phone with her, twice a year, for nine years, before she and I met in person. She was kind of quiet and shy around me. I think she felt a little embarrassed, awkward and confused
around me. She spent a lot of time interacting though with my daughter, who was just 2 yrs. old, at the time. It was cute. I met a birthsister and birthbrother, as well. My birthsister is a lovely, wonderful person. I should tell you, also, though that my adoptive parent, my Dad, was very hurt when he found out I had made contact with my maternal birthparent. I wish now that he had never found out. It really hurt him. He's deceased now. I would recommend, if your adoptive parents are alive now, think about not telling them you're searching. They might not understand and could be very hurt. Let me know what you think. Pat
| | Maggie | Posted: Jun 27, 2005 05:31:14 PM
I am an adult adoptee. I was born 3/4/50
in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
Ramona Watt was the name given me
at birth.
That is all the information that I know.
Maggie
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