American Adoptions Message Board
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| Jhoy | Posted: Dec 04, 2004 02:16:00 PM
Hi,my name is Jhoy I had six miscarriages it hurts me so bad because I've been through a lot in trying to keep the baby, Me and my husband decided to take a rest for a while and maybe later try it again. I've been to all the specialist but all they can say was I was the special person that they can't figure out what was wrong with the fetus. If anyone can help me also I'm willing to adopt a foster kid.
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| Michelle | Posted: Nov 02, 2004 11:52:11 PM
I know that this must be very difficult for you to be pregnant and than also have someone tell you what you should or should not do with your own child. You have to follow your own heart. Birth fathers do not always understand what adoption is and even that they can be involved in the process. Often times they feel it is their "job" as a guy to raise and take care of their children even when they know that financially it is not the best option for them. You have to make a decision based on what is in the best interest of your child. He does not have to agree with the adoption for you to proceed. I do think that it is a good idea to go over your reasons of why you feel adoption is a good option. If you discuss this with him and show him that you are wanting and looking into adoption because your child can have the life that you cannot provide at this time than he may be able to understand it from your perspective. Also, feel free to have him call American Adoptions as one of the specialists can speak to him and let him know that he is able to be involved and receive pictures and letters just as you are. Birth fathers often times say a lot and never do anything as well so this is something to also be aware of. I hope this helps.
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| Brandi | Posted: Oct 10, 2004 10:35:43 PM
My heart is with you. The first thing I could tell you is try--and I know its hard--to put down on paper your concerns for the baby's father, list the resposibilities,( including the financial resposibilities) that entails having another child. Sometimes people need to read something over and over to think it through. Fighting just makes it seem that one party is wrong, and almost always makes one defensive, and that is where the listening goes out the door. Most important--discussions should be without the four year old around, it justs hurts them, because they love both of you. Talk to his mom, maybe she can help. I'll be looking for your reply with hopefully good news. Bless you.
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| Carol | Posted: Oct 07, 2004 04:41:44 PM
What a difficult and stressful situation that you are experiencing. I want to encourage you to be gentle and kind with yourself and your growing baby, and your little 4 year old. It would be easy to be hard on yourself, for trusting 'jerk'. Now that you are pregnant it is imperative that you have the support you need and to treat yourself with gentle love. If he will not 'listen' ask a male/ third party to talk to him. It could be that he is scared too and has no idea what adoption means to him as a father. Sometimes, the male ego comes into play and if this is the case, (you stated he does not want anything to do with your unborn baby) then accurate information for him might help. If he understood that adoption is a loving decision, though difficult, and if he were to know that he is giving his child an opportunity for a life where your baby is the light in the eyes of the adoptive parents, he might see adoption as the best option. Every child deserves to light the heart of those they depend upon. I hope you find all the support you need throughout your pregnancy - there are many resources for your support and care. I will include you and him in my prayers and trust God to bring about a change within his mind and heart, and I trust God to care for your needs as well. All my best for you and your little one's and I pray that the next 5 months will be less stressful.
Peace and Blessings,
Carol in Texas
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| Anonymous | Posted: Oct 07, 2004 03:47:25 PM
I am 20 and already have a four year old daughter, and I am 4 months pregnant the birthfather is a jerk he doesn't care about this child yet he is telling me I can't place the baby for adoption, what can I do?
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