Counseling

There is a distinction between counseling and case management (this is discussed in the next section). Most programs offer some form of counseling. However, the results of this counseling vary dramatically. Counseling is either provided by phone, e-mail, or in person. The options vary depending on the program, birth mother's desires, and location of the birth mother. For example, some birth mothers live in remote areas where face to face counseling is cost/time prohibitive. A small agency traveling 5 hours to a remote area will often spend two days to provide these services. Should these counseling sessions become a weekly need then this could occur over a 4 month period and become very costly. If an agency charges $85 per hour for counseling, the counseling charges would be $14,960 (11 hours a week (travel time included) multiplied by 16 weeks). This is risky if the birth mother changes her mind, because with most agencies face to face counseling charges are at risk. This means that the adoptive family would not be reimbursed for those expenses paid.

While face to face counseling may be restricted in some adoptions, it is absolutely imperative to have a counselor working over the phone with a birth mother to make sure she has worked through all adoption obstacles, to prepare herself emotionally, and to be educated about the upcoming steps. While it may be shocking, there are adoption professionals who practice an objective style of adoption counseling. This means they are not presenting adoption in the most positive light possible. Many take the pro-parenting approach, which means they explore all alternatives before presenting adoption. Naturally, pro-parenting counseling style leads to fewer adoptions.

You will find attorneys and facilitators rarely offer any type of counseling other than blind referrals to counselors focused more on objective counseling. This is like opening up the phone book and picking a counselor. You are putting the most important step, as to whether this mother chooses adoption or not, into the hands of an inexperienced adoption professional.

Most families are afraid of bonding with a baby or having a birth mother change her mind. Proper legal work prevents the baby from being taken back once the child is placed with the adoptive family. Solid counseling however helps limit the number of birth mothers who change their adoption decision before the paperwork is signed.

Pro-parenting counseling style - Religious organizations are infamous for approaching adoption through a pro-parenting counseling style. In this style, they explore a birth mothers support system, family background, and financial position. They help these mothers contact organizations that can help them through the financial rough times. These organizations primary focus is not on the best interest of the child but rather protecting the child from abortion. The religious agencies believe the most effective way to prevent an abortion is to have these birth mothers view the pregnancy as a life, as a child. These agencies feel it is more important to save the child than to look at the bigger picture. In other words, abortion obviously gives the child no chance but other counseling styles believe adoption gives the child a chance at a better life.

If you are deciding to join a small agency's list, be sure to determine the agency's counseling philosophy. Are they pro-parenting, objective, or pro-adoption?

Objective counseling style - Most other small non-religious agencies practice a test book, objective, counseling style. In this style, the counselor equally explores all three options: parenting, adoption, and abortion. They try to access the client's desires and help them reach whichever decision the client feels would be best for them. The deficiency with this counseling style is the adoption professional is often the only adoption proponent. Therefore, if a birth mother does not learn all the positive aspects of adoption from a professional, she is highly unlikely to learn it from anyone else.

Pro-adoption counseling style - The last style of counseling is pro-adoption. In this style, the professional illustrates all of the adoption positives. They work with each birth mother determining if adoption is their best choice for them and their baby. Once this is determined, the counselor works proactively to overcome any external obstacles, which might stand in the way of their adoption decision. External obstacles are typically family members, boyfriends, and friends who are against the adoption plan. The counselor also works to build confidence and commitment towards their adoption plan.

Facilitators - Once the initial intake is handled and the call is transferred to the adoptive family, the facilitator's services stop. Some facilitators offer phone numbers of adoption professionals to help finish the adoption services. In every case, the adoptive family is left to arrange and organize the adoption from this point forward. Families handling the adoption from the phone call forward should expect more emotional and financial risk. For example, you may be given a birth mother to call in Arizona while your family resides in New Jersey.

1. You will then need to locate qualified adoption counselor/ case manager(s) and pay their fees, which will be at risk.
2. You will then need to locate an attorney to represent the birth parents and a different attorney to represent you, which these fees will also be at-risk.
3. You will then need to be certain no conflicts exist between the laws in Arizona and New Jersey, which could prevent you from adopting this child.
4. In all you will typically risk at least $4,000 in counseling/ case management and legal fees for each good referral from a facilitator.

Keep in mind, only 1 in 10 birth mothers place and you may lose $4,000 for each failed adoption. It does and can happen if you use a facilitator. When facilitators provide their total cost estimates to adoptive families, they do not include the costs of adoptions that don't succeed. For example, many estimate the total cost and break it down as follows:

Total costs $12,000- $15,000

Not listed

With facilitators, they do not list that most families lose thousands of dollars on adoptions that do not succeed. They only list the total cost estimate of a successful adoption and this appears lower than medium/large agencies. In the end, however, the total cost you will pay for a successful adoption will be similar with all adoption professionals. You will find medium and middle-sized agencies help protect individual families from these losses in several ways.

Attorneys - Attorneys often have a contract counselor they use to counsel birth mothers. The attorneys usually offer the birth mother counseling, however the way in which the present the option may appear to be offensive to some. They often say, "If you need counseling I have a counselor for you". Since most people do not like the term counseling because of its negative connotation or do not think they need counseling this important step is often turned down by birth mothers. The birth mothers often reply, "I don't really need counseling." These counselors are typically more focused on difficulties or problems the birth mother may have in choosing adoption. This type of counseling is needed in every adoption. With the approach the attorneys offer in presenting this counseling it is usually refused.

Basic counseling and support is needed which is sometimes more important than in depth counseling. With attorneys, their paralegals often provide basic counseling support such as daily issues, conference calls, preparing for the hospital experience, etc. The bottom line is most attorneys either eliminate essential counseling or have their paralegals perform counseling duties. The end result is less adoptions, less emotional stability for the birth mother, more legally contested adoptions, and more failed adoptions. For the adoptions that are successful, there are less counseling fees involved. There are never guarantees but this is like eliminating the Anesthesiologist to save money on open-heart surgery. It is an unnecessary risk, which offers only possible savings. Most families eventually lose any counseling savings because of increased advertising costs and attorney fees from failed adoptions. Without counseling support, birth mothers are twice as likely to change their mind at birth. This means you must place more advertisements because more birth mothers who work with attorneys change their mind. You also must burden more financial losses in attorney fees. Here is a simple question to ponder. If an attorney is being paid regardless of the success of the adoption, then what incentive do they have of making every adoption successful? They actually receive more work the more adoptions that fail, because you will have to use their services again.

Small/ medium agencies - In regards to counseling, small agencies are a step in the right direction when compared to law offices and facilitators. Small agencies are usually licensed social workers or counselors who have been involved in adoptions for many years. They usually love the work they do. Since small agencies typically service only specific parts of a state, they are able to devote more time and energy into counseling. Many small agency counselors are very good adoption counselors while others are highly questionable. Most small/medium sized agencies either provide pro-parenting or objective counseling style.

Medium/Large sized agencies - Most offer a pro-adoption style of counseling and believe in unlimited counseling support. They feel these counseling elements lead to a higher number and more safe adoptions. Their birth parents often feel relaxed and prepared. Since adoption is a difficult decision, it is better to have the birth mothers feel all other elements are in place. Because everything else has been carefully planned, all she has to worry about is the delivery and continuing with her adoption plan. This detailed and structured counseling support is not only comforting to birth parents but to the adoptive families as well. On the down side, medium/large agencies often have larger fees to help cover counseling and other support services. These fees can sometimes be so high that it is unaffordable for some families.

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