On September 9th 2007 I found out I was pregnant with my second unexpected child. After my daughter was born I vowed not to have any more children so when I found out I was pregnant again I was devastated. My [now former] fiancé and I decided to make the best of the situation and I started making plans to keep the baby. As time went on though things didn’t seem to be working out the way I was planning. I started to panic, I didn’t know how I was going to raise two children and with the way things were looking with my fiancé and me it looked like I was going to be doing it on my own.
I kept looking at my daughter and felt this would be so unfair for her. I felt she deserved more; she needed a swing set and dance lessons, tumbling, horseback riding, and piano lessons. She needed everything I was already struggling to give her.
After days of struggling with my emotions and trying to make the best decision for everyone I made an appointment with the abortion clinic. I drove in silence the entire way there. When I pulled in there were protestors at the entrance holding 6 foot signs of aborted babies. They yelled to me “Don’t do this! Let us help you!” I tried not to look at them or listen to what they were saying. I ran to the building trying not to lose my composure and start crying in the parking lot. When I got into the clinic I was relieved to see I was the only one there. After filling out the necessary paperwork there was one girl that had come out of the back and sat down in the waiting room. A few minutes later a woman came into the clinic with a young girl, probably 16 or 17 years old. You could tell they’d both been crying. Then another woman came in, this one probably closer to my age. I was then called back for an ultrasound. The technician determined I was 14 weeks 6 days. Afterward I was sent back to the waiting area to wait for the procedure. As I walked back I realized that although I was not showing it was very real there was a baby albeit a very small one growing inside me. I knew it had a heart beat and that was all I needed to change my mind. When I entered the waiting room there were yet more women there. As I looked at them I thought about the families that couldn’t have children of their own and the children in that waiting room that would never meet them. I decided then that abortion wasn’t the best decision for everyone, quickly paid for the ultrasound and left. When I got home I told my fiancé of my decision to place our baby for adoption. At first he didn’t like the idea, but after I explained my reasons he was willing to explore this option more.
I contacted American Adoptions in January after looking at their profiles on line. I was very interested in Ray and Donna. I liked that they lived close to me and they love baseball and football. I liked everything about their profile. Unfortunately for me they were already in a match with another birthmother. I was very upset, but decided to focus my attention on finding another couple. I went through approximately 100 profiles and several couples that were already chosen and some that weren’t. The ones that weren’t just didn’t seem quite right though. I was starting to get nervous I wasn’t going to find the right parents. Six weeks before my due date my caseworker Sarah contacted me about Ray and Donna (the very first couple I chose). The birthmother they were matched with changed her mind and decided to parent. I was elated by the news and quickly moved into a match with them. They were everything I thought they were and more. We were able to have several phone conversations and they came to an ultrasound appointment. They were also there for the birth of our son.
Edward Nicholas was born on May 10th 2008. He is the most precious baby and is so special to all of us. Although I felt devastated when I learned I was pregnant I eventually fell so in love with the life I created and wanted everything for him. I knew I couldn’t provide that but fully believe Ray and Donna can. We’ve kept in touch and have even gotten together since his birth.
The weeks that followed Eddy’s birth has been the hardest time of my life, but with every phone call, text message, e-mail, and visit it gets a little easier and I am reassured that I made the right choice.