After I gave the twins up for adoption, I felt good knowing they were with a nice family because I met them and liked having them in the hospital with us for our stay. Me, the twins (Justin and Jacob), and their new parents spent a lot of time together in the hospital but toward the end, it got really hard.
I had to tell the adoptive parents that I could no longer spend time with the boys-I was getting too attached. That night was the worst night of my life, I couldn’t sleep and started getting an anxiety attack. I had to call a helpline from the hospital. It got better, but I will always have moments. For example, my niece is one year and when I held her for the first time I felt like something was missing and there was-my babies.
But I know and will always know I did the best thing for them. Their dad left me and he left them and I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. I have a three year old and a four year old too. I hope they know I will always love them and they will be in my prayers every night! Someday I hope to see them and explain why and where they came from.