My story of giving my baby up for adoption has trails of long and complicated threads. Being able to give a baby up for adoption was an act of such selflessness that I admired in mothers of who I observed were going through such processes. But I never thought I could do it, or would do it ... and I guess I never knew who I really was in making such a determined thought seem like reality.
My upbringing was volatile and abuse was far too common. It seemed inevitable that I would move towards an abusive marriage, in which my first child was born into. With that child, and an unborn child, I made a decision to leave that life behind me forever. Unfortunately, I was in a position to need to consider leaving the unborn child to another family as well.
I believe that a child comes to a family in the way that a light comes from the Heavens and births a seed for someone who needs such a Soul in their life's path. I now see it in such a wider scope, and I treasure the gift that I gave.
I am now 41 years old, and I was 22 years old when I gave my child up for adoption. He was born a few days before Christmas, and I went home on Christmas Eve. It was a closed adoption, and I do not personally know the family. I could only cry in the shower, as I wanted to show the world that I was okay with my decision. I really was okay with it, but the emotions still always have to come forward. It is inevitable, but no birth mother should forget that it is also a time of celebration.
Today, I am still content with my decision. When the decision is right and true, and made with love and good intentions, no regret will ever shadow the days in which the child is with another. It is so important to not only know in the mind that adoption is the answer, it is also important to know it in the heart and Soul ... deep inside. It is so very important to know that love goes wherever the bond is, and there is never a separation in reality. There is only love. There are people who want to love a child, and sometimes a loving Soul has to be the vestibule to give to them that gift of love and happiness. It is the most selfless and beautiful gift to give to another and to such an innocent child.
Now that I have grown to see the difference, and now that I know that I would give a child up for adoption because I love that child, I now see a broader end to the spectrum than I did years ago. There is no shame in making a decision like adoption. There is nothing but the living truth that a birth mother is a silent hero ... and someone that stepped aside from Self to give someone else the chance to meet the child that they have been waiting for.
Tears have scattered my path, here and there, because of wonders of if the child is happy. But more often, than not, I have smiled because love fills the experience. The child turned 18 this past Christmas, and I have not been sought out. I am hopeful that this is a very good thing, as I am taking it as an indication that the child is content in life. And that is all I need ...
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