Where Should I Start?

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy,  you have probably already thought about your options and are ready to begin exploring these.

You might be struggling with what is the best choice for you and your baby. You might have considered adoption but just don’t know where to start.

Pregnancy brings about many changes, both physically and emotionally.  

It is often a very confusing time as you learn about your options -- this is very normal to feel.

The question is, where do you start?

Common Questions

• Who should I talk to about adoption or parenting?
• Do you have to have your mind made up before talking to a counselor?
• How do I decide if adoption is right for me and my baby?
• Are people right when they say choosing adoption is selfish of me? How should I respond?
• Does it matter if my child is Caucasian, African American, or Hispanic?
• Will I regret it, if I choose adoption?
• How does American Adoptions screen the family who will adopt my baby?
• What are the different types of adoption?

Answering Questions

Who Can I Talk to about adoption or parenting?

It is best to talk to a good counselor. If you are wanting to talk to an adoption counselor you can call the American Adoptions adoption helpline at 1-800-ADOPTION or fill out the background form.

Do you have to have your mind made up before talking to a counselor?

No, it is actually rare for any birth mother to be 100% committed to adoption in her first few phone calls. Exploring adoption is a personal process that varies from one individual to the next.

Adoption counselors are very skilled at helping you objectively explore adoption to determine if it is the best choice for you and your baby.

You will find adoption counselors to be very easy to talk with. It is also important to understand that adoption counseling is usually free so it is to your benefit to explore adoption with a licensed counselor.

Adoption counselors should help you:

• Explore parenting and adoption to determine if that is the best decision for you and your baby.
• They can discuss parenting resources that are available to you such as Medicaid, food stamps, etc.
• They can explore family support and friend support for parenting and adoption.
• They can share with you the details of the adoption process
• They can help you develop an adoption plan around your needs
• They can help you select an adoptive family
• They can introduce you to the family you have selected.
• They generally should be your guide and support system during your pregnancy.
• They can help you deal with family members and friends who are not supportive of adoption.

How do I decide if adoption is right for me and my baby?

The decision to parent or choose adoption is often a very difficult decision. The very reason that this decision is difficult should encourage you to explore your options thoroughly. A good counselor can help you see and feel all sides.

Whether you choose adoption or parenting, it is decision that should be made with great care and a good counselor will make this process much better for you.

Are people right when they say that this is selfish of me? How should I respond when they say something like that?

Choosing adoption for your child is the most loving and unselfish decision that you can make. Adoption reflects positively on everyone involved. Your child will be able to have all the opportunities and experiences that you want for him or her.

You are also able to move ahead and accomplish those goals that you may have for yourself. Due to your situation it may be too difficult for you to raise a child at this point.

Realizing that there are other families out there who are unable to have children and will love your child as their own can give you a rewarding feeling. Just knowing that you are doing something so wonderful for someone else is an amazing act of love.

It is important for you to surround yourself with people who are supportive of you and of adoption. Letting people know the reasons you chose adoption is a way to help others have more knowledge about adoption and how truly special it is to everyone involved.

Adoption is your decision and therefore you are the only one who can make the decision. You are allowing a couple to become a family and your child to have everything that life has to offer. Have pride in knowing it takes a very strong person to recognize that adoption is the best option for the child.

It is important to understand that most people do not understand adoption. When people don’t understand something, they can be very wrong and hurtful in their judgment.

It is effective to share with these individuals that you will involve them in your parenting/adoption decision only if they are open and supportive to what is best for you and your baby.

Does it matter if my child is Caucasian, African American, or Hispanic?

The adoption process is the same for all races however the family you choose may be different depending on the race of child you are having. Some families are wanting to adopt an African American child while others want to adopt a Caucasian child.

Will I regret it, if I choose adoption?

There are many emotions that correspond with adoption. Regret is one of those emotions that is unpredictable. You may for example regret that you weren’t able to offer everything you want for your child.

However, you won’t regret the fact that you gave your child a better life through adoption.

One way most birth mothers feel good about adoption is when they find a wonderful family to adopt their baby.

Knowing that you can choose a family that you are comfortable with and creating an adoption plan that meets your needs will help you feel confident about your adoption.

Adoption is a very difficult decision and it is normal to question your thoughts and feeling throughout the process.

When you think about the reasons that you have considered and chosen adoption you will most likely find that it was the best decision that you could have made for everyone involved.

Knowing that you made a positive decision out of love and in the best interest of your child, will help you cope with any feelings or thought of regret should you experience this.

I was scared that I might regret my decision later on when my daughter became older and when I was more financially stable and could have been able to raise her.

However, seeing how happy she is with her adoptive family makes me feel good about my decision and I would never want to take all the wonderful experiences that she has had away from her.

I could not give her everything that she deserved and everything that I had always dreamed for my children to have.

Now she has all of that and I know that it is because of my brave decision that those opportunities are possible for her." Birth mother-Autumn, age 22

How does American Adoptions screen the families who want to adopt my baby?

American Adoptions is different from most adoption agencies in that we accept only the best adoptive family candidates in the United States.

We receive hundreds of adoptive family inquiries each month, but only a handful of these families are accepted in to our adoption programs.

While most adoption agencies have minimal requirements of their families, American Adoptions requires extensive tests, evaluations, and interviews in order to provide you with the quality families that you are looking for.

This extra layer of protection is a direct result of our Executive Director who is adopted. He wanted to be absolutely certain that we have only the best families for you to choose from.

It does not mean that every family is a Hollywood star, but it does mean that every family is screened and educated to be the best family possible. We maintain numerous families with various careers, backgrounds, and interests throughout the United States.

With American Adoptions you can select from the widest variety of adoptive families available.

As an example of you selecting your ideal family, if future religious beliefs of your child are important to you we will find the best families that fit your religious desires.

If you want your dream family to be a Christian family, we will find the best quality screened Christian families for you. Another example would be if you wanted the adoptive parents to be young and outgoing, we will find you the best quality screened families who were young and outgoing.

American Adoptions is committed to help you find the perfect family for you and your baby.

What Are the Different Types of Adoption?

1.Open adoption (less than 5% of adoptions)-An open adoption is an adoption where some or all identifying information such as full names, addresses, and/or telephone numbers are exchanged between the adoptive family and the birth parents.

Remember adoption is a human interaction; meaning the amount of openness may increase naturally once a match develops and relationships are formed.

While this type of adoption does not occur with great frequency, when it does occur it usually is a positive experience. There are many factors everyone should explore before committing to an open adoption so you are aware of all the pros and cons. Open adoption is not for everyone.

2.Semi-open adoption (90% of adoptions) -Semi-open adoption is the most popular type of adoption. With a semi-open adoption, there usually is limited or no identifying information exchanged between the adoptive family and the birth parents.

First names are exchanged, but last names, phone numbers, and addresses are typically kept confidential.

However, birth parents typically know general information such the state and city the family lives, the families general lifestyle such as what they do for a living, they will learn about an adoptive family’s extended family.

Semi-open adoption is designed to give a good stable way for both families to get to know and trust each other. In semi-open adoptions one or all of the following may occur;

a. The adoptive family could meet the birth parents in person before or after the placement

b. Conference calls could be set up through the agency to facilitate conversations however these calls may sometimes progress to occur without agency involvement

c. Letters and pictures could be exchanged through the agency for up to 18 years after the adoption takes place

d. Confidential email correspondence directly with the birth mother is becoming increasingly more popular

Meetings and conference calls allow everyone to become more comfortable with adoption and more involved with each other.

These sessions are helpful in that both parties really begin to bond which is important ingredient in making adoption a positive process for everyone.

3.Closed adoption (Less than 5% of adoptions) -While closed adoptions occur periodically, they do not occur with as commonly as the other two choices. However, this does not make this choice a bad one just not as popular.

Typically birth mothers who select closed adoptions are not interested in talking with or meeting the adoptive family. In closed adoptions, we have found birthmothers trust their counselor to find the best family for her baby.

How do you start the adoption process?

The best way to start is to call a counselor at 1-800-ADOPTION or to fill out our background form this is general you fill out to begin the adoption process.