Many birth parents wonder, “Will my child understand adoption and my adoption decision?” Today, children grow up knowing their adoption story and understand how much their birth parents loved them by choosing adoption. In the past, adoptions were often kept secret and adoptive parents and birth parents were not allowed to meet or get to know each.

We now know secrecy often leads to hurt, confusion and anger by each member of the "adoption triad" (the birth parents, the child and the adoptive family). These adoptions often left a birth mother unable to choose the adoptive family and explain why she chose adoption. Ultimately, children were left to wonder who their birth parents were and why they chose adoption. And most often, adoptive parents didn’t have the resources or opportunity to bridge the gap.

By working with American Adoptions on your adoption plan, you will be able to choose the adoptive family and how you want things to happen, thus ensuring that your child knows why you made this difficult decision. You will be able to explain why you are choosing adoption and provide your child with answers to their adoption questions so they will understand your decision. 

Below are other common questions from birth mothers related to adopted children understanding adoption.

What Will My Child Think of Me?

The term “give up” has seeped into our cultural vocabulary, as though birth mothers turn away from their children. But the truth is that a women who chooses adoption for her baby is making one of the most selfless, courageous decisions imaginable.

Because today’s adoptions allow birth mothers to steer the adoption plan, an adopted child knows—now more than ever—of the tender, loving care his or her birth mother put into selecting an adoptive family and planning the adoption.

Country singer Faith Hill was adopted as a baby and thinks well of her birth mother. “I have a lot of respect for my birth mother,” she says. “I know she must have had a lot of love for me to want to give what she felt was a better chance.”

Famous guitarist and singer David Crosby of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young placed a son for adoption when he was in his twenties. He reunited with his son James later in life. “He was worried about me being this angry young man—‘You abandoned me'—that sort of thing,” James says. “That wasn't even an issue.”

It’s selfless love for a baby that causes many birth parents to choose adoption. Grateful adoptive parents will be able to share that loving decision with your child. Many adoptive children feel extra special, knowing that so many people love them. And as most children get older and grow in understanding adoption, they’ll come to terms with their identity and realize what your sacrifice meant to their life.

How Do Adopted Children Feel About Being Adopted?

Adoption can impact a child's life in many ways. Secrecy can cast a large shadow over adoption, often making it a negative aspect of a person's life, rather than a positive one.

So many families choose to celebrate adoption as a positive, beautiful event that makes each adopted child special. These adoptive parents openly share their child's adoption story. Many families even celebrate their child's adoption each year as a family tradition.

Most children are taught from their earliest years that they were adopted -- and that being adopted meant they were immensely loved by both their adoptive parents and their birth parents. They are brought up knowing their adoption story from the very beginning and grow up to be proud of the fact that they were adopted and that their birth parents loved them so much that they made that difficult decision and chose adoption.

Some are even so touched by their adoption story that they grow up to be adoption professionals, like Jennifer, Director of Social Services with American Adoptions.

"Twenty-six years ago I was given the most awesome gift, my family,” Jennifer says. “I know it sounds odd, but my birth mother decided that placing me for adoption was the best choice for both of us. I still can’t imagine all she went through to come to that selfless decision ... I do admit that I had lots of questions growing up, but my parents have always made me feel that I am special because I was adopted."

Adoption shouldn’t be a dark family secret, and today, adopted children celebrate their adoption stories. They grow up knowing how special adoption is and what a beautiful gift they were given by their birth parents. While they may have questions about their birth parents and where they came from, they grow up knowing that adoption is a very loving decision -- and it is one to be proud of.

Read more about how adoptive families discuss adoption with adopted children here.

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It’s important to remember that a birth mother at American Adoptions can choose the type of adoption she would like, allowing her to see firsthand how her baby is growing up though pictures, letters and sometimes even visits and phone calls. Continued contact with your child can help you reinforce that he or she understands adoption and ensure that he or she learns about you and your courageous adoption decision.

To begin making an adoption plan, or for further questions about adopted children, please call 1-800-ADOPTION or complete the following form for more information.