close menu

"Giving a Baby Up" for Adoption is not "Giving Up" [Here's Why]

Nothing about adoption is "giving up." When you choose adoption, you are the hero your baby needs. Never lose sight of the positive impact you are making on your baby's life, the adoptive family, and yourself.

You are not “giving up” when you place your baby for adoption, because you are putting your baby’s needs ahead of your own. That’s brave, loving and heroic.

You can get free help, counseling and services immediately if you would like to learn more about adoption by calling 1-800-ADOPTION or visiting here.

The most important thing for you to know about adoption is that it can give your child the life you hope for them. Because of this, many birth parents are proud of the sacrifice they made when they chose adoption.

“I had a lot of thoughts going through my head, trying to figure out what I was going to do with my unborn daughter. I knew that I couldn’t give her the life that she deserved. Luckily, my older sister helped me with the adoption process, getting in touch with American Adoptions and finding a wonderful family to take care of her,” said Chauniece of her adoption experience.

If you’re a hopeful adoptive parent wanting to adopt a child, you can get more information here.

We want to show you more of the ways that “giving your baby up” for adoption can be a force for good. Adoption is many things, but it is not “giving up.”

Why You Might Think Birth Parents “Give Up” Their Babies

“Giving a baby up for adoption.”

It’s probably the most common phrase anyone uses when they talk about adoption.  Birth mothers are often thought of as women who choose to "give up" their unborn babies for adoption. From talk shows, to websites, and even to casual conversation among friends, the term "give up" has become synonymous with adoption.

And that’s a shame, because it completely misses the point.

If we as a society stopped to think about what we were really saying, we’d realize that it couldn't be further from the truth. The reality is that women do not "give up" when choosing adoption for their baby.  Whatever your reason for placing your infant for adoption, whether you feel like you cannot provide them with the life you feel they deserve, you are not ready to parent or simply do not want to be a parent, you are validYou are giving your baby the best life possible.

When you choose adoption, you are:

  • Loving

  • Brave

  • Heroic

“Adoption has given me an amazing life,” Scott Mars, the co-founder of American Adoptions who was adopted as an infant, said in this video. “I had the most awesome mom and dad growing up... I was able to do whatever I dreamt of.”

Adoption is a life of love for a child — a life complete with hugs, laughter and lullabies,  soccer games, sleepovers and graduations. By putting your baby up for adoption, you are choosing to do not what is best for your baby, even if it’s not easy for you.

How Adoption Can Be Good For Your Child

You want what is best for your child. Most people may not get that, but after 30 years of serving women choosing adoption, we know it’s true.

If you’re held back from choosing adoption because you think it’s “giving up” or “giving away” your baby, then it might be helpful to hear about all of the good things adoption can be for a child.

The benefits of adoption for your baby are:

  • A loving family

  • A safe and supportive environment

  • A lasting connection with you through open adoption

  • The opportunity to receive the education you want for them

  • The ability to pursue their dreams

  • A life full of love

Adoption is challenging, but it is also worth it. When you think of “giving your child up” for adoption, you can instead think about all of the good it can do. Stories of other birth mothers show how adoption works out for the good of everyone involved, and it can work out for you and your baby, too.

"Even when I was a the hospital holding a brand-new baby in my arms, I knew that this was Chris and Lexie's child, and that I had just given her the best possible start to life," said Colleen, a birth mother who worked with American Adoptions. "There's still emotions that I feel, but it's never regret or sadness. I know this was the best decision to make for me, and I'm really happy with the way everything's turned out."

How Adoption Can Be Good For You

Today's adoptions are considerably different than those from the mid-1900s and even those from the 1980s.

Gone are the days when a woman simply handed her baby over to an adoptive family, never to see or hear from them again — and never knowing how her child was doing or how much her child was loved.

This outdated way of doing adoption is where the phrase “give up” came from. But today, you don’t “give up” your baby. You are actually in charge of the process — from start to finish — getting all of the support you need for free and making all of the most important decisions.

“Giving your child up” for adoption looks like:

Plus, the end of the adoption process is not the end of your adoption journey. Placement is not “goodbye;” it’s “see you later.”

The vast majority of adoptions today are open. Along with putting you in control of your unplanned pregnancy, adoption creates the opportunity for a lifelong connection with your baby, even after placement.

Today's birth mothers see firsthand how their babies grow up though pictures, letters and even visits and phone calls.

And finally, when you put your newborn up for adoption, you not only choose your adoption plan and your level of openness, but you also choose the life you imagine for your baby. From family pets and holiday traditions to values and education, you can choose a family for your baby that fits all of the hopes and dreams you have for your child.

Be Sure You Find the Best Parents

“Okay,” you may be thinking, “but how can I be sure that all of this comes true for my baby?”

The best way to find the adoptive parents you think will be perfect for your baby is to work with an agency like American Adoptions. We believe that every child has a right to grow up in a loving family, and every woman experiencing unplanned pregnancy has a right to choose adoption.

During our 30 years of experience as an adoption agency, we have continually improved our screening process to ensure we are working with the very best couples in the U.S. While every agency has screening standards, we go above and beyond to find hopeful adoptive parents who will provide the best life for your baby.

Every adoptive family we work with is thoroughly screened, financially prepared and has agreed ahead of time to an open adoption. Because of our national scope, we work with more families at once than most agencies, which means more profiles for you to look through. And because of our diverse staff — made up of adoptees, birth parents and adoptive families — we really know what makes a great adoptive couple.

You can work with your dedicated adoption specialist to search for the family you believe will be best for your baby. This way, you’re not “giving your child up” for adoption at all. You’re giving them a loving family.

Get Free Adoption Information

We would love to help you. Whether you’re ready to begin your adoption journey today or you still have questions, let’s talk.

Speak with an adoption specialist now by calling 1-800-ADOPTION, or get free adoption information online.

Information available through these links is the sole property of the companies and organizations listed therein. American Adoptions provides this information as a courtesy and is in no way responsible for its content or accuracy.

Request Free Information

View Waiting Families
Want to speak to someone who has chosen adoption?
Meet Michelle — A Proud Birth Mom
Ask an Adoption Question
View More Waiting Familes
Frequently Asked Questions

Why is American Adoptions the right adoption agency choice for many birth mothers?

American Adoptions is one of the largest licensed adoption agencies in the United States. Each year, we work with thousands of women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy and offer assistance to these women. Our large, caring staff is able to assist you seven days a week and provide you with one-on-one counseling about your pregnancy and available options.

You should choose an adoption agency where you feel completely comfortable with their services and staff. With American Adoptions, you will work with an Adoption Specialist who is on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The Adoption Specialist will be your advocate and will provide support and guidance as you create an adoption plan that is right for you.

How will the family tell my child about me and the adoption when my child is older?

Each family has their own style of introducing adoption to the child. When you are matched with an adoptive family, you can ask them this question. If you would like your Adoption Specialist to discuss it for you, just let her know. He or she can share your wishes or provide good ideas from other adoptive families.

You will also be able to share what you want your baby to know about you. You can complete a keepsake booklet to share hobbies, stories, photos of you and your family and a letter to your baby. The adoptive family can provide this to your child as he or she grows older. Be as creative as you like! Some birth mothers have even knitted a special blanket as a gift to their baby or given a similar symbol of their love.

The father of your baby can fill out the birth father's keepsake booklet or write a letter too. You may have other family members who would also like to share photos or a letter to the baby. This is your opportunity to pass on your and your family's love and to share your personality, history and reasons for choosing adoption. The adoptive family will treasure whatever information you provide and will share it with the baby at an appropriate age. In most adoptive homes, the word adoption is in the child's vocabulary early on, and adoption is celebrated in their lives.

Additional Resources

Teen Pregnancy - Information for Young Women

While not every woman who chooses adoption is a young mother, many are. Through adoption, many young women have found an ability to give their babies the best life possible, while finding the opportunity to realize their own dreams, as well. Call American Adoptions today at 1-800-ADOPTION.

Read More

Adoption Glossary

Do adoption terms and phrases leave you feeling confused? Learn the meaning to key adoption words and phrases with our comprehensive adoption glossary.

Read More