Articles for Pregnant Women

Once you have decided on adoption, you must make the decision about when to tell some or all of your family members.

Some pregnant mothers decide to only inform family members who they believe will be supportive of their feelings. It's your decision to make, but we all know how opinionated family members can be with the choices we make.

Talk about how you feel about this with an adoption counselor. They can help you with ways to approach certain family members.

Here are a few suggestions ...

• It is sometimes easier to approach one family member at a time. In this way, you won’t feel judgment or emotional reactions from several members at the same time.
• It is usually better to approach the family member who you believe will be the most sensitive and supportive of your feelings.
• It is important to understand that your mother and father will typically respond negatively to the idea of pregnancy, adoption or parenting. It usually is because their initial reaction is one of shock, and they must go through the stages of acceptance, just as you will. When they first learn about your pregnancy, they typically aren’t in the frame of mind to think about what is best for you and your baby. It is more common for the initial reaction to be a mixture of disappointment, frustration, anger or denial.
• If you haven’t told them about your pregnancy, then it might be a good idea to share that idea with them first. It is a lot to take in at one time if you learn that your daughter is pregnant and she is also choosing adoption. These two ideas at one time overwhelm some parents. Most parents are most frustrated with the news of an unplanned pregnancy so it is best to share that news separately. It allows them to have a clearer head rather than respond with emotions. If they ask you what you are going to do about your pregnancy, you can tell them that you are currently exploring your options.

It shouldn't matter what others think. It's your body and your life. So why is it that, when most women learn they are pregnant, one of the first of the many thoughts that begin racing through their minds is telling their parents and family?

26-year-old Sara remembers well the sense of anxiety she experienced about telling her father, Ted, she was pregnant:

"There I was staring at a positive pregnancy test, and of all things to think about, all I could feel was a sense of fear and dread about telling my dad!"

Unfortunately, many of us have good reason to experience anxiety - even dread - when faced with the prospect of telling family members: we've become conditioned to fear their reactions to our decisions or actions, because of past experience.

"My whole life, any time I have ever told my dad about something that isn't the way he thinks things should be done, his reaction isn't exactly nice … or calm," Sara says. "It can make being honest with him really hard at times."

Sara says it took her almost three months to gather the courage to confront her father with the news.

"Even then, it was only because it was getting pretty hard to hide my belly," she remembers with a smile.

Sometimes, when an unplanned pregnancy happens, your loved ones may not come supportively to your side, as you had perhaps hoped for or envisioned. In fact, sometimes their reactions are the complete opposite, even hurtful.

As if confronting an unplanned pregnancy wasn't hard enough, many expectant mothers worry that once they put into place their ideal adoption plan, the father of the baby, or even her parents, will try to stop the adoption.

The bottom line is that adoption is your choice; no one can force you to into parenthood or into having an abortion. If the birth father is not supportive, or chooses not to participate in the adoption, that is OK. Laws governing birth father consents vary from state to state. In most states, the birth father will be notified of the adoption, however the adoption can still proceed if he chooses not to sign a consent to adoption or be involved in any way. While some birth fathers may threaten to contest the adoption, they rarely follow through with it. If you do not know who the birth father is, that is OK as well. The adoption can still proceed.

Whether you just began pondering the adoption option or are already certain adoption will allow you to provide the best life for your baby, American Adoptions can help! Receive our free Guide for Women Considering Adoption today!