Having a Baby After Placing One for Adoption [Unexpected Emotions]
Many women facing an unplanned pregnancy choose adoption because they’re not at a place in their life where they are ready or able to raise a child or add another to their family.
Some women experiencing a second unplanned pregnancy may not intend to parent or still aren’t ready to parent, while others go on to have planned pregnancies to start or expand their family when they’re ready.
Whether the new pregnancy was planned or unplanned, having a baby after giving one up for adoption can lead to feelings of guilt. You might feel guilty for placing another child up for adoption or like you’re betraying the child you placed for adoption if you decide to parent your newborn.
Choosing adoption again or choosing to start or expand your family is your choice to make, nobody else’s. If you feel adoption or parenting is what’s best for you and your baby, that’s all that matters. If you’re dealing with complicated emotions because you’re having a baby after giving one up for adoption, reach out to an adoption specialist at any time to get the support you need.
Choosing Adoption for a Second Unplanned Pregnancy
If you’re having a baby and after giving one up for adoption, you’re likely experiencing an array of emotions. You might feel disappointed in yourself or overwhelmed because your situation has not changed enough since the first adoption for you to feel comfortable parenting. While these emotions are valid, there’s no need to feel guilty. You’re only human.
Regardless of whether this is your second, third or fourth unplanned pregnancy, you can always choose adoption. Even if this is your second time placing a child for adoption, this doesn’t detract from the selflessness and love behind your decision. You are choosing to give your child an amazing life that you may not be able to currently provide and giving a hopeful adoptive family the chance to have the family of their dreams.
Parenting a Child After Placing One for Adoption
If you’re having a baby after giving one up for adoption, you likely fall into one of two categories:
You’re facing another unplanned pregnancy
You’re intentionally starting or expanding your family
Regardless of which situation you identify with, you might be experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions. You might feel excited about starting or adding a member to your family. Or you might feel guilty for choosing to parent this child after placing one for adoption. Both of these emotions are valid, but there is no reason to feel guilty.
You chose adoption because you felt it was what was best for you and your baby at that point in your life. Even though you may hear phrases like “giving your baby up” for adoption, adoption is never giving up. You put your child’s needs first so that they could grow up in a safe and stable home. That is anything but giving up.
Circumstances change, and that’s okay. Especially if they’re for the better. It is not a reflection of your character for wanting to start a family if you’re in a better situation than you were at the time of your unplanned pregnancy. Or if this was an unplanned pregnancy but you are deciding to parent because you are able to or ready to, that’s okay too. You might have resources or support that you didn’t have before.
You should never feel like you have to sacrifice moving forward with starting a family or keeping a second unplanned pregnancy just because you placed your first child for adoption.
How to Cope with Having a Baby After Giving One Up for Adoption
If you’re experiencing feelings of grief or shame because you’re having a baby after giving one up for adoption, there are resources and coping strategies you can utilize. Even if you’re not pursuing adoption this time around, you can reach out to a 24/7 adoption hotline to speak to a counselor about the emotions you are experiencing.
One of our own birth parent specialists was in a situation like yours. She was faced with an unplanned pregnancy and didn’t have the support she needed. She chose adoption to give her son a better life. Years later, she was married and she and her husband were about to have a child together.
“Being a new mom and parenting this child has brought about a new perspective and appreciation for adoption. I used to tell other birthmothers that I could have raised Ryan and he would have been just fine,” says Michelle.
“As much as I still believe he would have been fine if I had to parent him, I am now reassured more than ever that I made the right decision with choosing adoption for him. He would have had all the love in the world but I could not have done it on my own. I never realized that I still needed closure for my adoption decision until I had my daughter.”
With the rising popularity of open adoptions, chances are you have some form of post-placement contact with your child and their adoptive family. If they and your child are okay with them having a relationship with their biological sibling, you can use this contact to help the two establish a bond. Even though you weren’t ready or able to parent your first child, you still have the chance to be a part of their life.
To get the support you need when having a baby after giving one up for adoption, reach out to an adoption specialist today.
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