Will My Child Understand My Adoption Decision?
And What Will He or She Think About Me?
Many women wonder the following three questions about adopted children:
Will My Child Understand My Adoption Decision?
In the past, it was common for adopted children to not be told that they were adopted, and adoptive parents and birth parents usually did not meet or get to know each other. This was the perfect recipe for adopted children to grow up with negative feelings about their adoption or a shock later in life when they finally learned the news.
Today’s adoptions are much more “open,” in that adoption agencies like American Adoptions educate adoptive families on the importance of telling their children about their adoption from a young age to avoid the aforementioned problems. Furthermore, women who choose adoption are able to get to know the adoptive family and even maintain a relationship with them after the adoption, ensuring the adopted child understands his or her birth mother’s adoption decision.
What Will My Child Think of Me?
The term “give up” has seeped into our cultural vocabulary, as though birth mothers turn away from their children. But the truth is that a woman who chooses adoption for her baby is making one of the most selfless, courageous decisions imaginable.
Because today’s adoptions allow birth mothers to steer the adoption plan, an adopted child knows – now more than ever – of the care his or her birth mother put into selecting an adoptive family and planning the adoption.
Country singer Faith Hill was adopted as a baby and thinks well of her birth mother: “I have a lot of respect for my birth mother,” she says. “I know she must have had a lot of love for me to want to give what she felt was a better chance.”
Famous guitarist and singer David Crosby of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young placed a son for adoption when he was in his twenties. He reunited with his son James later in life. “He was worried about me being this angry young man – ‘You abandoned me' – that sort of thing,” James says. “That wasn't even an issue.”
It’s selfless love for a baby that causes many women to choose adoption. Grateful adoptive parents will be able to share that loving decision with your child. Many adoptive children feel extra special, knowing that so many people love them. And as most children get older and grow in understanding adoption, they’ll come to terms with their identity and realize what your sacrifice meant to their life.
How Do Adopted Children Feel About Being Adopted?
Adoption can impact a child's life in many ways. Secrecy can cast a large shadow over adoption, often making it a negative aspect of a person's life, rather than a positive one.
So many families choose to celebrate adoption as a positive, beautiful event that makes each adopted child special. These adoptive parents openly share their child's adoption story. Many families even celebrate their child's adoption each year as a family tradition.
Some are even so touched by their adoption story that they grow up to be adoption professionals, like Jennifer, Director of Social Services with American Adoptions.
"Twenty-six years ago I was given the most awesome gift – my family,” Jennifer says. “I know it sounds odd, but my birth mother decided that placing me for adoption was the best choice for both of us. I still can’t imagine all she went through to come to that selfless decision. I do admit that I had lots of questions growing up, but my parents have always made me feel that I am special because I was adopted."
Adoption shouldn’t be a dark family secret, and today, adopted children celebrate their adoption stories. They grow up knowing how special adoption is and what a beautiful gift they were given by their birth parents. While they may have questions about their birth parents and where they came from, they grow up knowing that adoption is a very loving decision, and it is one to be proud of.
Read the following to learn more about how adoptive parents talk to children about adoption.
It’s important to remember that women at American Adoptions can choose the type of adoption she would like, allowing her to see firsthand how her baby is growing up though pictures, letters and sometimes even visits and phone calls. Continued contact with your child can help you reinforce that he or she understands adoption and knows about you and your courageous adoption decision.
To begin making an adoption plan, or for further questions about adopted children, please call 1-800-ADOPTION or complete the following form for free adoption information.
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