If you choose adoption, you can choose the adoptive family you believe is right for your baby based on the qualities that matter to you, from their values and family life to the future you picture for your child and the relationship you hope to have after placement.

At American Adoptions, we give you access to many carefully screened adoptive families across the country. Your adoption specialist can help you explore your preferences, review families and get to know prospective parents, while you decide which family feels right for you and your baby.

What Can You Choose About Your Baby’s Adoptive Family?

You can choose almost every aspect of your baby's adoptive parents, from their family structure and location to their parenting philosophy and spiritual beliefs. There is no universal standard for the best family because the right choice depends on what you envision for your baby.

While you work on your adoption plan, your adoption specialist will ask you about the qualities that matter most to you. Some preferences may be essential to you, while others may leave more room for flexibility.

Where the Adoptive Family Lives

You can decide what setting and geographic region you want your child to grow up in. Some expectant parents prefer a home in a quiet rural community, while others picture their child growing up in a lively city or near the coast.

Location also shapes your post-placement relationship. If you hope to have in-person visits over the years, choosing a family who lives within driving distance may be a priority. If you prefer communication through photos, letters and video calls, a family living in another state can be just as strong a fit.

Family Structure and Other Children

You can decide what type of household dynamic you want for your child. You might prefer a married couple, a single parent or an LGBT couple ready to welcome a child into their home.

You can also specify whether you want your baby to have older siblings or be the first child in the family. Some birth parents love the idea of their child having immediate playmates, while others want a couple experiencing parenthood for the very first time.

Religion, Values and Traditions

Think about the beliefs, values and traditions you hope will be part of your child’s upbringing. You may want an adoptive family who shares your religion, celebrates certain cultural traditions or has family values that closely reflect your own.

You can also consider the principles that shape how prospective parents live and raise their family, from the traditions they pass down to how they stay connected with their culture and community. These preferences can help you identify families who reflect what you want your child to grow up learning and experiencing.

Lifestyle and the Home Environment

You can prioritize the everyday atmosphere your child will experience as they grow up. You might look for parents who love the outdoors, prioritize artistic expression, play team sports or share a passion for travel.

Adoptive family profiles often highlight pets, extended family gatherings and neighborhood settings. If you want your child surrounded by nearby cousins and involved grandparents, you can focus on families with close-knit local support networks.

Parenting Approach and Plans for Your Child

Consider how prospective adoptive parents describe the way they hope to raise a child. Their approach to education, discipline, opportunities and supporting a child’s interests can help you understand what everyday parenting may look like in their family.

You can also think about the future they hope to provide, including the experiences and opportunities they want to give their child and how they plan to support them as they grow. These details can help you identify parents whose approach aligns with what you want for your child’s future.

The Kind of Open Adoption Relationship You Want

You can choose an adoptive family whose expectations for ongoing communication match yours. Open adoption exists on a flexible spectrum, and you set the boundaries that feel healthiest for you.

You can select parents who are excited to exchange regular photos, send email updates, make phone calls or schedule yearly visits. If you prefer privacy and minimal contact through semi-open or closed adoption, you can select a family fully prepared to respect those boundaries.

How Does Choosing an Adoptive Family Work?

Choosing an adoptive family starts with identifying what matters to you and learning more about prospective parents who reflect those preferences. Your adoption specialist supports you throughout the process, but you decide which families you want to consider and whether you want to move forward with one. The process generally includes:

You can take the time you need to consider your options, ask questions and talk with your specialist throughout the process.

How Are Adoptive Families Screened Before You Choose Them?

Before prospective adoptive parents can be considered for adoption, they must complete a screening process that includes an adoption home study. This process helps determine whether they meet applicable requirements and are prepared to provide a safe, stable home for a child. A home study typically includes:

• Background Checks: Criminal history and child abuse and neglect clearances.
• Home Visits: An evaluation of the home environment and applicable health and safety requirements.
• Interviews: Conversations about the prospective parents’ backgrounds, relationships, parenting plans and readiness to adopt.
• Financial Information: Documentation demonstrating their ability to financially support a child.
• Health and References: Medical information and personal references that provide additional information about the prospective parents.

Screening helps establish whether prospective parents are eligible and prepared to adopt. You make a separate decision about personal compatibility, including whether their values, lifestyle, parenting plans and hopes for adoption align with what you want for your baby.

What Should You Look for in an Adoptive Family Profile?

As you review profiles, look for details that help you understand their everyday family life, relationships, values and the future they hope to provide a child. Pay attention to details such as:

• Family Life and Relationships: Look at how they spend time together, the traditions they value and the relationships that are part of their everyday lives.
• Parenting Hopes: Consider how they talk about raising a child, education, opportunities and supporting their child as they grow.
• Values and Priorities: Notice the beliefs, principles and experiences they hope to make part of their child’s upbringing.
• Support System: Learn about grandparents, relatives, friends and others who may play an active role in your child’s life.
• Openness Expectations: Pay attention to how they talk about adoption, your role in their child’s life and the kind of ongoing contact or relationship they hope to have with you.

As you read, focus on which details align with the priorities you identified for your child and which families you would like to learn more about.

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Choosing Adoptive Parents

As you consider prospective adoptive families, thinking through your priorities can help you determine what matters most and where you may have more flexibility. Ask yourself:

• What kind of future do I picture for my child? Think about the home environment, family life, values, education and opportunities you hope they will have as they grow.
• Which preferences matter most to me? Consider which qualities feel essential in an adoptive family and which ones you may be more flexible about.
• What kind of relationship do I want after placement? Think about how often you hope to communicate, receive updates or visit with your child and the adoptive family.
• Does this family reflect what I want for my child? Consider how their lifestyle, parenting plans, values and openness expectations compare with the priorities you have identified.

Questions to Ask Prospective Adoptive Parents

Talking with prospective adoptive parents gives you a chance to learn more about them beyond what you see in their profile. Focus on questions that help you understand their parenting plans, family relationships, values and expectations for adoption. Consider asking questions like:

• What first led you to grow your family through adoption?
• How do you plan to approach discipline, routines and education as your child grows?
• What values or family traditions from your own childhood do you hope to pass along?
• What role will grandparents, relatives and close friends have in your child’s life?
• What are your work schedules, and what are your plans for childcare during the early years?
• How do you plan to talk to your child about their adoption story as they grow up?
• What kind of relationship and communication do you hope to have with me after placement?
• What are your expectations for updates, calls or visits in an open adoption?

Your adoption specialist can help you prepare questions and support the conversation, so you have the opportunity to learn more about the family and determine whether you feel comfortable moving forward with them.

Choosing a Family When You Want an Open Adoption

If you want an open adoption, your communication preferences should guide your family selection from the beginning. Defining your contact preferences early ensures that you only review families who are excited about building an ongoing relationship with you.

Discussing openness before choosing a family prevents misunderstandings down the road. During the profile review and your initial calls, you and the adoptive parents will agree on:

• How often you will receive photos, letters and developmental updates
• Whether you prefer communication by text, phone calls, email or video chat
• How often you might plan in-person visits over the years
• How milestone moments, birthdays and holidays will be acknowledged

Choosing a family who shares your exact communication goals ensures that your open adoption relationship develops naturally with mutual trust and clear expectations.

What Happens After You Choose an Adoptive Family?

Choosing an adoptive family is a major step in your adoption plan, but there are still decisions to make as you prepare for your baby’s birth and what comes afterward. Your adoption specialist will continue supporting you throughout this next stage. Once you have chosen a family:

• Get to Know the Family: Continue building your relationship through calls, texts, video chats or in-person meetings based on what you are comfortable with.
• Continue Your Adoption Plan: Work with your specialist as you make decisions, ask questions and prepare for the next steps in the adoption process.
• Prepare for the Hospital: Create a hospital plan that reflects how you want labor, delivery and your time with your baby and the adoptive family to look.
• Plan for Your Post-Placement Relationship: Continue discussing the communication, updates, visits and other contact you hope to have with your child and the adoptive family after placement.

Choosing a family is an important milestone, but it does not mean every adoption decision is final. You can continue discussing your preferences and making decisions about your adoption plan as the process moves forward.

What If You Haven’t Found an Adoptive Family You Feel Comfortable Choosing?

Your feelings about a prospective adoptive family may change as you review profiles, have conversations and learn more about them. Questions or concerns are worth discussing with your adoption specialist, even if you have already started getting to know a particular family.

Your specialist can help you talk through what is giving you pause, answer questions and explain what options may be available based on where you are in the adoption process. The legal considerations can depend on the timing and circumstances of your situation, so you can also receive guidance about any next steps that may apply.

You should feel comfortable asking questions and continuing the conversation as you determine what you want for your adoption plan.

What If You Change Your Mind About an Adoptive Family?

If you begin having questions or concerns about a prospective adoptive family after you have matched with them, talk with your adoption specialist. Starting a match does not mean you should ignore concerns or feel uncomfortable bringing up changing feelings.

Your specialist can help you talk through what has changed, address questions or communication concerns and explain what options may be available. Depending on the timing and circumstances, there may also be legal considerations involved in changing or ending a match.

Your adoption specialist and attorney can help you understand how those considerations apply to your situation so you can make informed decisions about how to move forward with your adoption plan.

More Family Choices Can Help You Find What Matters Most to You

American Adoptions works with many carefully screened families across the country, giving you more opportunities to find prospective parents who reflect the priorities you have for your child. You can consider preferences such as:

• Family Structure: The type of family you picture for your child.
• Values and Traditions: Religious beliefs, cultural traditions and family values.
• Lifestyle: Interests, activities and everyday family life.
• Location: Where your child will grow up and whether proximity matters to you.
• Openness: The communication, visits and ongoing relationship you hope to have after placement.

Our national reach gives you more opportunities to find a family whose values, lifestyle and openness expectations align with the future you picture for your child.

Talk With an Adoption Specialist About the Family You’re Looking For

You can talk with an American Adoptions specialist 24/7 about what you want in an adoptive family, ask questions and learn about the screened families available to you. The conversation is free and confidential, and you do not have to choose adoption to get information about your options.

Call 1-800-ADOPTION or fill out our online contact form to speak with a specialist and start exploring prospective adoptive families.

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