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"I Wanted a Baby on My Terms" - How Abigail Made a Family Complete

Abigail is a brave birth mother who chose adoption to give her baby a life full of love and opportunities. If you feel inspired by her story, contact us today or call 1-800-ADOPTION to get free information about the adoption process. 

I suppose the appropriate place to start is with the little blue ‘plus’ sign I read on the EPT back in July 2009. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew that my days (and nights) of being a carefree teenager had just come to an abrupt halt. I was 19. I was single. I was pregnant. This wasn’t how I wanted a child to come into my life!  I wanted a baby on my terms, and on my time. That time hadn’t come yet.  I knew right then that this wasn’t my baby. This baby was going to make someone else’s family whole.

That when I started my research on adoption agencies. A few had been recommended to me, but I wanted to see what was out there. While researching one day, I ran across the American Adoptions webpage. I put in some of my information and the next morning a specialist called me. Two specialists, Susan and Melissa, came to my home and met with me after a day or so. They brought me information on the agency, about 25 family profiles, and information about adoption in general. They explained the process to me and answered all of my questions. I felt comfortable with them. That was important to me.  

My journey had begun with Susan by my side. I requested more profiles, and she was more than happy to give me as many as I needed. There were several great-looking couples, but the moment that I looked at Michelle and Ken I knew I had found the family. Everything about their profile was warm and inviting, and everything I read just made me that much more convinced that this baby would part of their family. I turned the profile into Susan the next day so she could match us up.  

Before I knew it, Michelle and I were speaking on the phone to each other. She was telling me about her life and I was telling her about mine, and by the end of the conversation, we had decided to meet each other in October. Pretty soon we were emailing back and forth, and before I knew it, the middle of October was here and I was exchanging hugs with them in the airport. The first weekend they spent in Kansas City was amazing. I took them to their first Chipotle, where we met up with my sister and my cousin.  Afterward, we went to the Country Club Plaza, where we met up with my other cousin and her boyfriend.  We went to dinner, and then to my place where we met up with my boyfriend and played cards for a few hours.  I had so much fun with them.

The weekend had flown by, and they were already leaving for home before I knew it.  We emailed a little bit over the holiday season, and I sent some pictures I had taken with my friends and family.

In December, I received an email from Melissa at American Adoptions.  She told me she was taking over my case from that point and she would catch up on everything Susan and I had been working on.  I was a bit worried because, even though Melissa had been at my house with Susan for an introduction, I was comfortable with Susan.  A couple of weeks into having Melissa as my new specialist, we met for lunch.  The connection with Melissa was there too.  She made me feel comfortable with her in the sense that everything would be taken care of.  Melissa genuinely tried to make this process as effortless and possible for me.  We got along great, and knowing that I had nothing to worry about put me at ease.

As my doctor appointments went from monthly to bi-weekly, and then from bi-weekly to weekly, everyone was becoming more and more anxious. I was feeling very uncomfortable in my pregnant body, so I was relieved to know that my doctor was giving me the option of an induction! I had an amazing support system that was making sure I was always comfortable and able to relax, as well as an amazing team working with me at the agency.  Michelle and Ken were keeping me updated via email, telling me how excited they were as the days passed by. Everything was coming into place.

Soon enough, my induction was a week away. I couldn’t wait for Friday. My hospital bag was in my boyfriend’s car and I was cleaning my apartment trying to make the time pass. Michelle and Ken were flying in on Thursday morning.  

My mom and grandma were coming up on Friday night. Everyone was coming to support me and to welcome this new life into the world. I was ready.

Finally, Thursday had come.  I was so excited to see Michelle and Ken. I knew that after the baby was born we would not have much time together since I would be recovering and they would be busy with the newest addition to their family.  That night was going to be my only night to relive the fun we had in October. After going out to eat and playing some cards at my apartment, we called it a night. I had been so swept up in the fun I was having with them that I completely ignored my cell phone.  Once I found it, I saw at least five missed calls from my mom. When I called her back, she had told me that she was already in Kansas City.  She and my grandma were staying at the same hotel as Michelle and Ken.

At 5:30 on Friday morning, I received a call from the hospital. They wouldn’t have room for me at my scheduled time but would call me when there were rooms available.  I notified everyone and told them to get some more sleep. I tossed and turned for the next few hours, and then I received another call from the hospital. They had been overbooked on inductions, and I had to be rescheduled for Sunday morning.  I let everyone know, and was joined in my feelings of frustration toward the situation.

After resting for a little while longer, everyone met at the hotel. We went to the mall because my grandma decided walking great distances would help to induce labor (not to mention make my feet swollen)!  She was wrong but I’m glad we went. My mom and grandma had a chance to get to know Michelle and Ken, which was important to me.  I think my favorite part of our day at the mall was going to Build-a-Bear Workshop with Michelle and making twin monkeys. She kept one and I kept one.

Friday and Saturday flew by, and before I knew it Sunday had arrived.  My boyfriend took me to the hospital. I was quickly put into a room and started a Pitocin drip. Michelle and Ken arrived shortly after I did, and within the hour my mom was there as well.  People were in and out of the delivery room all day. When the time had come to start pushing, only my sister, my cousin, and Michelle could be at my side. Everything was over before I knew it had started and it was all much easier than I had imagined.  Peter John (P.J. for short) was born January 31, 2010 at 3:06pm, and Michelle was there to watch him come into the world. I was moved to a smaller room after about an hour, and I had a few more visitors. Ken and Michelle were spending time with their new baby in a different room.

I had quite a few visitors the next day. Most of them were people working with the agency to finalize the adoption, such as lawyers, social workers, and Melissa came to see me as well.  My favorite visitors, however, were P.J., Michelle, and Ken. I had chosen not to see the baby until I had relinquished my parental rights. Since I had done that, I was ready to see him.  He was beautiful, and they were so happy. That was all I needed to see to really be okay with my decision.

I was back at home later that afternoon and resting for the next few days while my boyfriend stayed with me to make sure I wasn’t walking around too much. I went to see Michelle, Ken and P.J. at their hotel room twice before they left. I ate dinner with them and we talked about how excited everyone in New Jersey must be for them to come home. Some of our conversation consisted of small talk, but most of it revolved around future communication and the family P.J. was coming home to. Michelle didn’t want to lose contact with anyone she had met on their visits to Kansas City.  She reassured me that she was not only a mom for P.J., but she and Ken were my friends. They would always be there for me. After holding the child I had carried inside of me and gave birth to less than a week ago, nobody said goodbye.  Instead, we said, “until next time.”

Michelle and Ken are everything I could have ever dreamed of for P.J. and so much more. Spending so much time with them made my decision that much easier. I can’t think of two people I would rather have done this for. I know that P.J. is going to cross my mind several times a day, every day, for the rest of my life  I also know that when he does, I can’t be sad that he’s not physically here with me; instead, I can be happy that I chose a family who will look at him and see a miracle every time. I chose a family who will give everything that I’m unable to give right now, along with all of the love and support I could ever want for him.

Ready to find out what adoption can do for you and your baby? Contact us today at 1-800-ADOPTION to get free information and support. 

Information available through these links is the sole property of the companies and organizations listed therein. American Adoptions provides this information as a courtesy and is in no way responsible for its content or accuracy.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Why is American Adoptions the right adoption agency choice for many birth mothers?

American Adoptions is one of the largest licensed adoption agencies in the United States. Each year, we work with thousands of women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy and offer assistance to these women. Our large, caring staff is able to assist you seven days a week and provide you with one-on-one counseling about your pregnancy and available options.

You should choose an adoption agency where you feel completely comfortable with their services and staff. With American Adoptions, you will work with an Adoption Specialist who is on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The Adoption Specialist will be your advocate and will provide support and guidance as you create an adoption plan that is right for you.

How will the family tell my child about me and the adoption when my child is older?

Each family has their own style of introducing adoption to the child. When you are matched with an adoptive family, you can ask them this question. If you would like your Adoption Specialist to discuss it for you, just let her know. He or she can share your wishes or provide good ideas from other adoptive families.

You will also be able to share what you want your baby to know about you. You can complete a keepsake booklet to share hobbies, stories, photos of you and your family and a letter to your baby. The adoptive family can provide this to your child as he or she grows older. Be as creative as you like! Some birth mothers have even knitted a special blanket as a gift to their baby or given a similar symbol of their love.

The father of your baby can fill out the birth father's keepsake booklet or write a letter too. You may have other family members who would also like to share photos or a letter to the baby. This is your opportunity to pass on your and your family's love and to share your personality, history and reasons for choosing adoption. The adoptive family will treasure whatever information you provide and will share it with the baby at an appropriate age. In most adoptive homes, the word adoption is in the child's vocabulary early on, and adoption is celebrated in their lives.

Additional Resources

Teen Pregnancy - Information for Young Women

While not every woman who chooses adoption is a young mother, many are. Through adoption, many young women have found an ability to give their babies the best life possible, while finding the opportunity to realize their own dreams, as well. Call American Adoptions today at 1-800-ADOPTION.

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Do adoption terms and phrases leave you feeling confused? Learn the meaning to key adoption words and phrases with our comprehensive adoption glossary.

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