Articles for Pregnant Women

Father Of The Baby
Birth Fathers: An Introduction

The father of your baby may or may not choose to be a part of your decision-making process. Whether he is supportive or not, you are not alone – many women, just like you, have experienced situations similar to yours!

Remember, adoption laws vary by state, so it is important that you speak with an adoption professional about the laws specific to your state. If the father of your baby is supportive and willing to work with you as a teammate throughout this process, this is a wonderful thing. However, if he is less than supportive of the concept of adoption, do not feel discouraged. Though each state has different laws on “birth father’s” rights, as long as a professional – like American Adoptions – ensures that everything is carried out according to the law, there is little an unsupportive father can do to stand in the way of what you feel is best.


Birth Father is Supportive

In the event of an unplanned pregnancy, some fathers exhibit wonderfully supportive behavior, and are willing to work as a team with the mother to do whatever both feel is best for the baby’s future. 

If the father of your baby falls into this category, embrace the opportunity to work together to choose what you both feel is the best life for the baby you have created together. In fact, if the father of your baby is supportive, it is likely that he will experience many of the same feelings of grief and loss that you find yourself experiencing. However, it is important to remember to take care of yourself. Although it is important to be there for him during this time, too, don't focus all of your attention onto how he feels. Take time out to focus on yourself, as well.


Birth Father isn't Supportive
If all fathers were financially secure, emotionally and mentally supportive, adoption would be far less common than it is today. That’s because one of the main driving factors in why many women choose adoption is because they do not feel secure in the belief that the father of their baby is ready or willing to take on the lifelong role of a father.

Of course you wish for a much different scenario -- any woman would want the father of their baby to be supportive of her and her decision. Unfortunately, if the father of the baby is displaying less-than-ideal behavior upon finding out that you are pregnant with his child, chances are, he will likely not be supportive of your decision to place your baby for adoption, either.

If you believe that the father of your baby will not be supportive of your adoption decision, speak with your Adoption Specialist. Our specialists are fully trained on the adoption laws of each state and will work with you to make sure that all necessary laws regarding your adoption are followed according to your state's law. Your Adoption Specialist will also be there to support you and your decision and will be on hand to help you with any communication you may have with the father of your baby regarding your adoption decision. In many cases, fathers simply do not understand the adoption process. Your specialist can educate him about the adoption process and how he can work with you in your adoption journey, if he chooses.


What About My Responsibilities as the Father?
“This was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.”
Shawn, Birth Father
 
When it comes to dealing with an unexpected pregnancy, much of the compassion, sympathy and focus is placed on the woman. But what about the father?
 
As the father of the baby, you too are more than likely dealing with a rollercoaster of emotions. Much like the emotions being experienced by the mother, you are also likely to experience shock, denial, anger, sadness and other feelings. Many fathers express there is often a state of confusion on how to put into words what they are truly feeling. Much of the time feelings of embarrassment and a loss of control are expressed by the birth father.
 
However, many men also feel that by agreeing to place the baby for adoption that they are somehow not living up to their responsibilities, or are not being “man enough.” Many men also have a strong sense of pride and struggle accepting the fact that they cannot give their baby the life that an adoptive family can. Many find it difficult to understand the reasons the birth mother is choosing an adoption plan. Others incorrectly believe the birth mother is choosing adoption to get back at them if the relationship is not a friendly one. Many fear others are looking at them as somehow failing their child, family and friends, or that they are taking the “easy way out.”
 
No matter what your reasons are for struggling with an adoption decision for your child, the truth is that adoption is anything but the “easy way out,” nor is it a choice made by a man who is not living up to his responsibilities. Rather, it is very much the opposite. Supporting the adoption of your child is one of the most responsible, unselfish things a father can do. It is a choice that means you care so much for your child that you are willing to give them a better life than you and the birth mother can give them right now.

Your Baby, Your choice - Dealing with Unsupportive Birth Father, Parents

As if confronting an unplanned pregnancy wasn't hard enough, many expectant mothers worry that once they put into place their ideal adoption plan, the father of the baby, or even her parents, will try to stop the adoption.

The bottom line is that adoption is your choice; no one can force you to into parenthood or into having an abortion. If the birth father is not supportive, or chooses not to participate in the adoption, that is OK. Laws governing birth father consents vary from state to state. In most states, the birth father will be notified of the adoption, however the adoption can still proceed if he chooses not to sign a consent to adoption or be involved in any way. While some birth fathers may threaten to contest the adoption, they rarely follow through with it. If you do not know who the birth father is, that is OK as well. The adoption can still proceed.


Request Free Adoption Information

Whether you just began pondering the adoption option or are already certain adoption will allow you to provide the best life for your baby, American Adoptions can help! Receive our free Guide for Women Considering Adoption today!



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