"Time Heals All Wounds" - How Teka's Healed After Adoption [+ Updates!]
Teka is a brave birth mother who chose adoption to give her baby a life full of love and opportunities. If you feel inspired by her story, contact us today or call 1-800-ADOPTION to get free information about the adoption process.
Hi, My name is Teka. I'm 26 and I have two children. Here's how my story goes.
It all started on the birth father's birthday. We met at my job. That was when we started dating. A few days later, we conceived a child. At this point, being pregnant was the last thing on my mind. He said something about it (that I might be pregnant), but I just ignored it. After a month of dating, our relationship ended on a sour note.
Time passed, and I started to show. I still ignored it. I thought it would go away. Once I realized that it would not go away, I started to weigh my options. I don't believe in abortion, so that was out. It was, either deal with it and raise the baby or adoption.
I thought about how my mother struggled with three kids as a single mother, and I didn't want to struggle like she did. I also thought about the children I already have, and the lack of a father, not knowing how the birth father would deal. I thought he would blow me off. So, I chose adoption. I knew that was the only way to give my baby what I couldn't. Not at this point, not like this.
At this point, no one knew that I was pregnant, not even the birth father. It was February, and I was at the beginning of my third trimester.
I called American Adoptions, and they mailed over tons of useful information. I felt at ease by the fact that they cared so much. That was when I got a call from Megan, who is my counselor for the adoption. We went through all the technical stuff, and then finally it was time to select parents.
At this point, I finally told the birth father. His reaction was expected. He was shocked. I gave him a few days to let the news sink in. When I called back, he said to go ahead with my decision. That was when I felt blown off. I knew now that I was doing the right thing. I had never planned to tell him, but my mother made me realize that I had to tell him regardless of how I thought he would take it. At first I wished I never said anything to him, but I did feel better once I told him.
Now it was March, and we were getting so close to the end of my pregnancy. Megan sent me lots of profiles, and choosing one family was really hard. So, I read them all and decided the ones that caught me emotionally were the ones I should look at closer. But, then there were issues out of my control, and the three families that I picked first didn't work out. I felt let down, and it was getting closer to the end.
Megan reassured me that things happen for a reason. Then she told me about Sarah and Milton. They sounded perfect. But I didn't get my hopes up. Once Megan told me how excited Sarah was, I knew it was okay to get excited. I couldn't wait to talk to her. When we did talk, I felt as if I'd known her all my life. We talked about my kids and she told me stuff about her family. We were able to get in a few phone calls before the one, most important phone call.
At 1:30 a.m., I called my sister to take me to the hospital, and then I called Megan. The whole way to the hospital, all I could think was, This is it. Am I really ready for what's ahead? I probably wasn't, and I didn't want to face it.
Here it was, 5:56 a.m. on April 16, and I had just brought into the world a beautiful baby girl. Sarah was unable to be there at the delivery because of her flight. I couldn't wait to meet her. I knew how excited she was, and that felt good. I spent time with my baby before Sarah arrived. I fed her and held her and I talked to her. My sister, her boyfriend and my kids came to see me. Everyone got the chance to hold her and we took pictures. Finally, at about 10 or 11 a.m., Sarah was here. We all sat and talked and took pictures. Then my family left Sarah and me to bond.
Sarah named her Erin. And to see her with Erin and how happy she was made me smile.
As it came time to say goodbye, Sarah left me for a few moments alone with Erin. Having to let go of a life that has grown inside me was the hardest thing that I will ever have to do. And for a while, I didn't want to face the fact.
Then, Sarah and I gave each other a hug. I will never forget, she thanked me for blessing her with Erin.
Leaving the hospital was hard. Everything that happened was on my mind. I wondered how I was going to deal with it all.
A week later, I met with Sarah and her friend before their flight home. We took more pictures, and my kids were able to say goodbye to Erin.
That was my final goodbye. As Sarah and I hugged each other, I told her she was family now, and she was stuck with me. And she made me realize how much of a blessing I was. Knowing that made this easier on me.
Deep down, I know that Erin's mom and dad will give her the life I couldn't. I know that everything happens for a reason. I was placed in this situation for someone to be blessed with the miracle of a child.
For those who are reading my story, keep in mind that God has put you in your situation for someone to receive a blessing, and he will give you the strength you need.
Part II of Teka's Adoption Story [Two Years Later]
It's been two years, and I have to say that the way that I feel about the adoption has changed.
At first, I felt alone, and confused, and hurt. Now that time has passed, and I see pictures every six months or so, I have to say that it is something that I am content with. Every day, I am more comfortable with my decision and glad that I selected the parents that I did.
Not only that, but to include my children, they send a birthday card to them. And [my children and I] always discuss the situation, just so that they are aware of what is going on. Also, we all know that humor can be the best medicine. Well, we call Erin's mom our "Baby Mamma." You can't help but smile at that.
That just goes to show that time will heal all wounds. You just have to trust and believe, and never loose faith. Knowing that is awesome! Feeling that is outstanding! I know that this is a healing process that will last for a long time. I still have my moments. But I am doing a lot better emotionally!
Talking about it definitely helped me. And it still does. I display pictures all over the place, as I do with my older children. Now, when I have friends ask, "Who's that?", I have no issues telling them. They sometimes don't get a chance to ask, and then the conversation usually goes into how it happened, and how I dealt with all the many emotions. I can't say that it was at all easy. But the more that I discuss it, the better it is for me.
Since then, I have run into her birth father. And of course it didn't go over well. At first, he tried to show empathy for me, but I didn't buy it. The conversation was not at all a benefit to me. So, at that point, I made the choice to let him go. There was no progress. I know that when it is time to answer questions about him, I know that they will be short answers. That is the only part of this that upsets me. But I realize that not everyone is as selfless as I was. Not only that, but we all have our own way of letting go.
This has since then humbled me in ways. It has also been a learning experience. I have learned to let go emotionally, and it also makes you think about life in a whole new light. Nonetheless, I am happy with my decision because I know that Erin and her family are happy!
My advice to any birth mother, FAITH!!! Don't let it go. And as Megan would put it, "Everything happens for a reason!" You are a miracle for someone!
Part III of Teka's Adoption Story [Four Years Later]
It's been a little over four years, and there has definitely been a lot of changes in how I deal with the adoption. I have had some wonderful people in my corner that have also been in a situation that is similar to mine, in some fashion. I have now gotten to the point where it's not as hard to receive the pictures and letters that I get from Erin's mom. As a matter of fact, I look forward to getting them.
Of course, this is something that never really goes away, so I still have my moments. But they are more healing than anything. I have also been able to speak with other birth mothers that are in the same situation, and it has not only been rewarding to know that I am helping someone, but it is also healing in its own sense. Knowing that this is not something that will ever go away...I'm always looking for something to make it feel better. And it did! Just as I thought that everything was going to fall apart...low and behold...it got BETTER.
I am now at the point where Erin's pictures are on the wall with the rest of my family, as well as her adoptive mother, Sarah. I also have no issues answering any questions that I may be asked. At first, that was not the case. I wouldn't be completely upfront about the adoption, and I did my very best to avoid the topic all together. Of course, the reason for that at the time was that I was not into the judgment that you would expect to hear from those who either don't know or don't understand, or both.
Having other children did make it a little hard. Not only do I try to find a healthy way to deal with my emotions, but I have to also educate my children on what and why adoption is all about, all the while trying to stay strong in the process. I had to find and hold on to my strength so that my children did not feel the same emotions that I was feeling. I have my own little ways that I remind myself that keep me strong. Talking to others in my situation is one of them. And the one thing that I say that is the most effective is that I realize that I am not going to be placed in a situation that I am not strong enough to get through.
Everything happens for a reason, and I truly believe that I was chosen to be the miracle for Sarah's blessing.
Ready to find out what adoption can do for you and your baby? Contact us today at 1-800-ADOPTION to get free information and support.
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