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Will I Regret Putting My Baby up for Adoption?

Remembering Your Reasons for Choosing Adoption

You’ve chosen adoption for your baby, and they’re now placed with a loving, caring family. It’s a permanent decision, but what happens if you regret your choice? What if it feels like the post-adoption grief is too much to handle? Emotions such as these are normal, especially right after placement. That’s why American Adoptions is here to help.

To get free adoption information now, you can always call us at 1-800-ADOPTION whenever you need us. But, we have also created this detailed article if you find yourself struggling with your recent adoption journey.

Adoption is not easy, but, as the saying goes, the best things in life are never easy. If you’re asking yourself, “Do I regret putting my baby up for adoption,” then continue reading to get the answers you’ve been searching for.

Do You Regret Putting Your Child up for Adoption?

There’s no doubt that adoption is far from simple. It is normal to experience complex emotions of adoption such as grief and doubt. But, you can rest easy knowing that most people come to peace with their decision eventually. It’s a difficult choice to make, but healing is always possible.

One way that you can overcome feelings of doubt or regret after adoption is by remembering your reasons for adoption.

There are many reasons that people choose adoption, and it can be helpful to revisit those reasons for some reassurance. Now that you’re no longer pregnant, it can be beneficial to remember those reasons during a time when hormones aren’t so high and you aren’t dealing with fresh grief.

For example, maybe you chose adoption for your baby because:

  • You wanted to pursue your life goals, such as finishing your education or advancing your career.
  • You wanted your child to grow up in a two-parent household.
  • You didn’t feel financially prepared to raise a child, and you wanted them to have opportunities you couldn’t have provided at the time.

Whatever your reasons may have been, choosing adoption can give your child a life of love and opportunity. That is nothing short of beautiful. Focusing on that and remembering that your child has the life you wanted for them can help reassure you of your decision.

Coping with the Complex Emotions of Adoption [Regret after Adoption]

Adoption is an emotional experience, to say the least. Because of this, there are plenty of resources at your disposal. For instance, American Adoptions offers free, 24/7 counseling to help you navigate these complicated feelings.

No one should have to go through this alone, and that’s why we are here for you. If you are wondering, “Do I regret putting my child up for adoption,” then you can call us at 1-800-ADOPTION at any time.

It can also be helpful to browse our testimonials from birth mothers who have worked with us. One birth mother, Casey, doesn’t regret her decision because she knows it was the best choice not only for herself but also for the twin boys she placed for adoption when they were 2 years old.

“I don’t regret the adoption because I know it’s what was supposed to happen,” she said. “I was supposed to raise them for two years so they could be with their family now. If I didn’t, then they would never have had the chance to be with their wonderful family and to have all the opportunities they have in their lives.”

Colleen, another birth mother who worked with American Adoptions, doesn’t regret her adoption in the slightest. She has overcome any sense of regret after adoption because she knows that adoption gave her children wonderful opportunities.

“I don’t regret my decision at all,” she said. “I see their family and how it’s grown and how amazing it is, and it makes me super happy every day. It just makes me feel great. I get to see Tess grow up with the family, and I definitely feel like I’m a part of the family, which is quite amazing.”

Erika, a birth mother who worked with our agency, also doesn’t regret her decision. She knew she was paving a path forward for her child, and it gave them a chance at the best life possible. After adoption, remorse can be difficult to overcome. But, Erika knew that she made the right choice for her situation and her child.

“Adoption was the best thing for me, and I helped a family become a family,” she said. “That filled me with so much love and happiness. This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but I don’t regret it. I know that she’s happy, healthy and loved by so many people.”

Why You Might Feel Regret after Adoption [It Is Normal after Placement]

Just as there are many reasons to choose adoption, there are also many reasons why you may be experiencing regret right after placement. From a general standpoint, though, people who experience regret after adoption usually miss their children. You may not have given yourself the time for healing, which will require focus, motivation and energy.

Immediately after placement, when you are experiencing the raw emotions of fresh grief, it is common to second-guess your decision and to think, “I regret placing my baby for adoption.”

But, in most cases, these thoughts are actually a normal, temporary reaction to your grief and loss – not true, long-term regret or an indication that you made the wrong choice. It’s important to really analyze how you’re feeling, which is something your adoption specialist can help with. That way, you can determine whether you are experiencing normal feelings of sadness, anger, doubt, guilt or true regret. This is also where looking back at those reasons comes in. When you remember why you made your choice and know that it’s the right one, you will still experience grief and loss. But, you likely won’t actually regret your decision.

To give you some peace of mind, there is one thing that we want to clarify. As a birth parent, you may have heard the phrase “give a baby up for adoption” quite a bit. It’s one of the most common phrases that people use when they talk about adoption, and people who use it may mean well.

But, this phrase completely misses the point. When you choose adoption, you are never “giving up.” You are giving your child a loving home, and you’re helping other people realize their lifelong dreams of parenthood. Adoption is selfless, heroic and brave; it is not “giving up.”

I Regret Putting My Baby up for Adoption; What Do I Do Next?

If you’ve had this thought, then it is more common than you might think, especially right after placement. To help you cope with these complex feelings, here are some questions that you can ask yourself as you process any potential regret after adoption:

  • Have you processed the other emotions of adoption, such as grief or loss?
  • If you could travel to the past and change your decision — keeping in mind your circumstances at the time — would you?
  • How would your child’s life be different if you didn’t choose adoption?
  • Is this regret or a different emotion that you’re experiencing?
  • Do you believe you’ve made the wrong choice for your child, or did you make the best choice given your circumstances?

Answering these questions can help get you started with processing any regret after adoption. Remember that we are always a phone call away at 1-800-ADOPTION so you can get more adoption information now. We would love to help you at any time.

Information available through these links is the sole property of the companies and organizations listed therein. American Adoptions provides this information as a courtesy and is in no way responsible for its content or accuracy.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Why is American Adoptions the right adoption agency choice for many birth mothers?

American Adoptions is one of the largest licensed adoption agencies in the United States. Each year, we work with thousands of women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy and offer assistance to these women. Our large, caring staff is able to assist you seven days a week and provide you with one-on-one counseling about your pregnancy and available options.

You should choose an adoption agency where you feel completely comfortable with their services and staff. With American Adoptions, you will work with an Adoption Specialist who is on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The Adoption Specialist will be your advocate and will provide support and guidance as you create an adoption plan that is right for you.

How will the family tell my child about me and the adoption when my child is older?

Each family has their own style of introducing adoption to the child. When you are matched with an adoptive family, you can ask them this question. If you would like your Adoption Specialist to discuss it for you, just let her know. He or she can share your wishes or provide good ideas from other adoptive families.

You will also be able to share what you want your baby to know about you. You can complete a keepsake booklet to share hobbies, stories, photos of you and your family and a letter to your baby. The adoptive family can provide this to your child as he or she grows older. Be as creative as you like! Some birth mothers have even knitted a special blanket as a gift to their baby or given a similar symbol of their love.

The father of your baby can fill out the birth father's keepsake booklet or write a letter too. You may have other family members who would also like to share photos or a letter to the baby. This is your opportunity to pass on your and your family's love and to share your personality, history and reasons for choosing adoption. The adoptive family will treasure whatever information you provide and will share it with the baby at an appropriate age. In most adoptive homes, the word adoption is in the child's vocabulary early on, and adoption is celebrated in their lives.

Additional Resources

Teen Pregnancy - Information for Young Women

While not every woman who chooses adoption is a young mother, many are. Through adoption, many young women have found an ability to give their babies the best life possible, while finding the opportunity to realize their own dreams, as well. Call American Adoptions today at 1-800-ADOPTION.

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Adoption Glossary

Do adoption terms and phrases leave you feeling confused? Learn the meaning to key adoption words and phrases with our comprehensive adoption glossary.

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