Why Women in Their 30s Choose to Give a Baby Up for Adoption
[How Adoption Can Help You]
As a woman in your 30s focused on your career or potentially raising children already, an unplanned pregnancy may have come at a time where an addition to your family simply isn’t possible. Thankfully, you have options.
Adoption through American Adoptions gives you the chance to find a loving home for your child while allowing you to remain focused on your career.
With our size and scope, you have more waiting families to choose from — which means you can find a hopeful adoptive family waiting for the chance to give your child the perfect home, regardless of your age.
You can build a relationship with the adoptive parents and stay connected to your child through various forms of open adoption communication.
At any age, experiencing an unplanned pregnancy can be stressful. The reasons behind that stress, though, can vary depending on what stage of life you’re in when it happens. When a woman in her 30s considers adoption for her child, then, her thought process might be very different than someone in their teenage years.
If you are in your 30s and considering adoption for your baby, the first thing you should know is you aren’t alone. Some people have the misconception that women who choose adoption are in their teens or early 20s, but that isn’t necessarily the case. Women of all ages choose adoption for their children, and for many different reasons. Your choice doesn’t have to be defined by your age. If you are thinking,” I’m in my 30s, but I don’t feel ready to be a mom,” or, “I’m 33, but I don’t feel excited about this pregnancy,” or even, “I’m 37 years old and I don’t want my baby” — what you’re feeling is OK, and you have options.
The second thing you should know about considering adoption for your baby is that you don’t have to feel guilty. Choosing adoption means that you are choosing a life for your child with parents who are both emotionally and financially prepared to give them the best life possible. It’s putting your child’s interests above your own. Whether you are 16 years old or 32, that’s a selfless decision at any age.
Many of our adoption professionals have their own first-hand adoption stories, and because of that experience, our support for you and your adoption journey comes with the unique perspective of knowing what you’re going through.
If you’re ready to start the adoption process with our agency or wanting more information on adoption, call us today at 1-800-ADOPTION, or visit our online contact forms for prospective birth mothers and prospective adoptive parents.
How Adoption Can be the Right Choice for You [Create a Better Future for You and Your Child]
Your circumstances in life as a pregnant woman in your 30s might mean parenting isn’t an option for you. Adoption is a decision based on love and the desire to give your child the nurturing environment he or she deserves. “Giving your baby up” for adoption in your 30s doesn’t mean you’re actually giving up on providing the best possible life for your child. It means you are choosing to find the perfect adoptive family that can give your child what he or she needs most.
Angela, having just turned 30, was raising children already and knew she wasn’t able to provide for another baby. She found our agency and knew adoption was the right choice for her and her child.
“I had just turned thirty when I found out I was pregnant. I was already a single parent with three kids at home and about to have my sixth kid, and I was scared,” Angela says. “I knew I would not be physically, emotionally, or financially able to support yet another child. So, I started searching the web for other options and I found American Adoptions. I got a wonderful caseworker who was able to understand my thoughts and feelings and who didn't judge me for choosing to place my daughter up for adoption.”
There are many reasons you might be feeling as though you simply cannot parent your child in your 30s. The following are just a few of the reasons a woman in her 30s might choose to place her baby for adoption.
Your family is already complete.
Many women in their 30s who choose adoption already have other children. If you have a few kids at home already, you know how much work it is to be a parent. The finances are one factor; today, it costs an average of $233,610 to raise a child until the age of 18. If you are already struggling to make ends meet without an addition to the family, that number can feel impossible.
Money isn’t the only reason some women choose not to add to their families, though. Responsibilities such as helping with homework, coordinating rides to school activities, and being a good role model for children are no easy feat. Some women feel that their workload is immense even without adding another child, and they worry that the children they already have might suffer when their attention and resources are pulled in yet another direction.
You are moving up in your career.
By the time many women reach their 30s, the building blocks for their careers are already in place. They’ve done the internships, the fellowships, and the grunt work of entry-level jobs. The amount of growth, both in terms of skills and paychecks, that can occur in someone’s 30s is immense. There is no shame in wanting to focus on moving up the ladder rather than taking a break to have a child. Of course, it’s entirely possible to dominate in the workplace while raising a baby, but it’s undeniable that it will be more difficult.
Even if you are not focused on moving up in your career, you may be looking for new job opportunities or working long hours to support yourself and your family. Whatever your current job situation is, it's completely understandable if you don't feel able to balance those responsibilities with parenting a child (or adding another baby to your family) right now.
You have a complicated relationship with the baby’s father.
The assumption might be that a woman in her 30s is in a serious, stable relationship with the father of her child, but that isn’t a fair or accurate assumption. Relationships can be complicated, no matter how old you are. Many women end up choosing adoption because they know they can’t count on the father of their children to be reliable. While being a single mother is entirely possible and nothing to be ashamed of, many women choose not to do so when their child’s birth father has already given them reason to believe they’ll be alone in their parenthood journey.
Colleen, who placed her child for adoption with our agency, reflects on becoming pregnant in her 30s and why adoption was the right choice for her circumstances.
“I was 38 years old when I found out I was pregnant. I was very busy with work, traveling all around the country, which I really love, but I don’t really spend long periods in one spot,” Colleen said. “I always pictured I’d be in my late 30s and be more settled or that I’d already have a family at that point. I just didn’t work out the way I’d planned. I probably could have raised a child of my own, but they wouldn’t have had the same life that they would with a family.”
You don’t want to be a mother.
There doesn’t have to be any other reason than this to choose adoption for your child when in your 30s. Not all women want to be mothers. That’s entirely OK. If you feel that you don’t want your baby or aren’t ready to raise him or her — not necessarily because you can’t afford to parent or because you have an unstable situation — there is no shame in that. Some people want children, and some do not. It is completely acceptable to fall under the latter category.
If any of the above reasons might apply to you, there are, of course, two options for your pregnancy other than parenting: abortion or adoption. Only you can decide which option is right for you and your baby. Some benefits of choosing adoption, however, that some women don’t know about are:
Adopted children are more likely to pursue secondary education and extracurricular activities. This is a benefit of being raised in a home that was both financially and emotionally prepared for a new child.
Adopted kids get not one but two sets of parents who love them enough to put their best interests first.
Start Your Adoption Journey Today [Adoption is a Life-Changing Experience]
“I am available to answer any questions that arise, particularly from birth moms, as I have been in your shoes and know how you are feeling,” Michelle says. “It was most helpful to me when I had someone to talk to who would just listen to me without making any judgments or conclusions about who I was as a person.”
You can ask Michelle questions about the adoption process online. You can also call us toll-free at 1-800-ADOPTION, or get free information with our online contact form for prospective birth mothers considering adoption here. Adoptive families wanting more information on adopting a child can click here to get more information.
Information available through these links is the sole property of the companies and organizations listed therein. America Adoptions, Inc. provides this information as a courtesy and is in no way responsible for its content or accuracy.