The day after you place your baby for adoption, you might wake up and think: What now?

Maybe your arms feel empty. Maybe you're relieved. Maybe you're numb, or feeling everything at once—grief, peace, guilt, pride, loss, and hope all swirling together.

Here's what we want you to know: Life after adoption can be challenging, but you're not alone in it. Whatever you're feeling is valid. And the support that helped you through pregnancy doesn't stop just because your baby is with their adoptive family.

At American Adoptions, we've walked alongside thousands of birth mothers through this exact moment. We know placement isn't the end of your adoption journey. And we're still here for you.

Call us at 1-800-ADOPTION anytime you need to talk.

What Happens After I Give My Baby Up for Adoption?

Let's talk about what the first days and weeks after placement look like—both legally and emotionally.

The Legal Side: In Alaska, you signed consent after your baby was born and had a 10-day revocation period. Once that period passes, the adoption becomes legally binding. The adoption isn't officially "finalized" until a few months later when a judge signs the final decree. During this time, the adoptive family has legal custody. At finalization, the judge grants them full parental rights and your baby's birth certificate gets updated.

The Emotional Side: Legally, the process has clear steps. Emotionally? There's no roadmap.

Some birth mothers describe the first days as feeling like a fog. Others cry for weeks. Some feel unexpected relief or peace. Many feel all of these things at different times.

You might check your phone constantly hoping for a text from the adoptive family. You might avoid certain places because you're not ready to talk about what happened. You might wake up thinking you hear your baby crying.

All of this is normal. All of this is part of grief—and yes, even if you know adoption was the right choice, grief is still part of the process.

Your adoption specialist is still available to support you through this.

Post-Adoption Counseling Options for Birth Mothers in Alaska

One of the most important things you can do after placement is keep going to counseling. Post-adoption counseling helps you process what you're going through and gives you tools to handle the hard days.

American Adoptions Provides Free Counseling: Our counseling services don't stop after placement. You still have access to free, 24/7 counseling through American Adoptions for as long as you need it. Our counselors specialize in adoption and understand the unique emotions birth mothers face. They won't judge you or tell you to "get over it."

Finding a Local Mental Health Professional: If you'd prefer to work with a therapist in Alaska, we can help connect you with someone who has experience supporting birth mothers. Look for therapists who specialize in grief and loss, post-adoption support, perinatal mental health, or trauma-informed care.

Reach out to us and we can help you find the right support.

Post Adoption Support Groups Near Me

Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is talk to someone who's been exactly where you are. Birth mother support groups—whether in-person or online—can provide connection, understanding, and hope.

Here are some support group resources available to birth mothers in Alaska and nationwide:

• BraveLove: Provides a directory of post-adoption support groups and resources by state. Visit BraveLove.org for more information.
• On Your Feet Foundation: Offers post-placement support and resources specifically for birth parents. They provide community and connection after placement.
• Concerned United Birthparents (CUB): A national organization focused on birth parent experiences, healing, and support. They welcome all those affected by adoption.
• BirthMom Buds: A faith-based organization providing counseling, support, and encouragement to birth mothers.
• Online Support Groups: Search for "birth mother support" on Facebook or Reddit to find moderated online communities where you can connect with other birth mothers. Look for groups that are positive and adoption-friendly.
• Postpartum Support International (PSI): Offers resources for birth mothers experiencing post-adoption depression or mental health challenges. Call 1-800-944-4773 or visit Postpartum.net.

A word of caution: Some online spaces can be negative or anti-adoption. Look for groups that are supportive, moderated, and focused on healing rather than blame.

The Emotions You May Feel After Placement: Why They're All Normal

Let's talk about what you might be feeling and why all of it is okay.

• Grief and Loss: Even if you know adoption was the right choice, you're grieving someone you love. That's a real loss, and it deserves to be honored. Grief can look like crying, numbness, anger, or exhaustion.
• Guilt: Many birth mothers struggle with guilt. Did I make the right choice? Am I a bad person? These thoughts are common—but not true. Choosing adoption doesn't make you a bad mother.
• Relief: It's okay to feel relief. This doesn't mean you didn't love your baby—it means you're human. You can feel both grief and relief at the same time.
• Numbness: Some birth mothers feel nothing at all after placement. This is your brain protecting you from overwhelming emotions. The feelings will come when you're ready.
• Pride: You should feel proud. What you did took incredible strength and selflessness. You gave your child a life you couldn't provide right now.

Learn more about grief and when to seek extra support.

Will I Regret Giving My Baby Up for Adoption?

This is one of the most common fears: What if I regret this?

Regret is complicated. Some birth mothers have moments of doubt or sadness—especially early on. But that doesn't mean they regret their decision overall.

Most birth mothers, years later, still believe adoption was the right choice—even if it was the hardest thing they've ever done. They see their child thriving and know they made the best decision with the circumstances they were in.

Remember why you chose adoption. You chose it because you wanted more for your baby than you could provide at that time. You chose it because you loved your child enough to make an impossible choice. Those reasons are still true, even on days when doubt creeps in.

If you're struggling with deep regret, talk to a counselor. Post-adoption counseling can help you find peace.

How Long Does It Take to Feel 'Normal' Again?

Everyone's healing timeline is different. Some birth mothers start feeling more like themselves within a few months. For others, it takes a year or more. There's no timeline you "should" follow.

Things that can help:

• Stay connected with your counselor
• Join a support group
• Honor your grief—don't push through it
• Take care of your physical health
• Stay connected with the adoptive family (if you're in an open adoption)

You will feel normal again. It just might look different than before.

How to Stay Connected With Your Baby's Adoptive Family After Placement

If you chose open adoption, staying connected with your child and their family can be one of the most healing parts of life after placement.

What Contact Looks Like: Depending on your post-adoption contact agreement, you might receive photos and updates via email or text, video calls on special occasions, or in-person visits once or twice a year. Contact can shift over time as your baby grows—that's normal and okay.

When to Expect the First Update: Many adoptive families send the first photos within a few weeks of placement. Some wait until after finalization (a few months). If you haven't heard from them and you're anxious, reach out to your adoption specialist—we can help facilitate communication.

If the Family Isn't Following Through: Don't panic, but don't ignore it. Reach out to American Adoptions. We can mediate and help get communication back on track.

Learn more about open adoption and building healthy relationships.

How to Talk About the Adoption With People in Your Life

At some point, you'll need to talk about the adoption with others. Having a plan can help.

Talking to Friends and Family: Be honest about what you need. If you don't want to talk about it, say so. If you need support, ask for it. You might say: "I made an adoption plan for my baby, and I'm working through some big emotions. I'd appreciate your support."

Talking to Coworkers: You don't have to share your full story with everyone. A simple, "I had a baby, and they were placed with an adoptive family" is enough. If someone pries, set a boundary: "It was the right choice for me, and I'd prefer not to discuss it further."

Talking to New Partners: When dating, you'll eventually need to share your story. There's no perfect time—just whenever feels right. The right person will respect your decision.

Parenting After Adoption Placement: How to Support Your Other Children

If you have other children, they're processing the adoption too—and they need support.

Be honest in an age-appropriate way. Help them understand that you made a plan for their sibling because you wanted to give them the best life possible. You might say: "Your sibling is living with a family who can give them things we can't right now" or "I love all of you, and I made this choice because I wanted what's best for everyone."

Your kids might feel confused, sad, or angry. Let them feel what they feel. Answer their questions honestly. Reassure them that they are safe and loved. If they're struggling, consider family counseling.

Returning to Work or School After Adoption

Going back to work or school after placement can feel overwhelming. You're grieving, exhausted, and trying to figure out your new normal.

Give yourself grace. If you can, take some time off to recover. If that's not an option, be gentle with yourself. You don't have to be at 100% right away.

Decide what to share. You don't owe your boss or classmates your full story. Share what feels comfortable and set boundaries when needed.

Ask for support. If you're struggling, reach out to HR, a school counselor, or a trusted colleague.

Real Stories from Birth Mothers Like You

Sometimes the most powerful thing is hearing from someone who's been where you are.

"The first few months were the hardest. I cried a lot. I questioned everything. But now, two years later, I can see photos of my daughter and feel nothing but pride. She's thriving. Her parents send me updates every few months, and I get to watch her grow up from a distance. I know I made the right choice—even on the hard days."
— Jessica, birth mother through American Adoptions

"I didn't expect to feel relieved, but I did. And then I felt guilty for feeling relieved. Therapy helped me realize that I can feel both grief and relief at the same time. Life after adoption isn't easy, but it's given me the chance to build a better future for myself—and my son is getting the life I wanted for him."
— Maria, birth mother through American Adoptions

Read more stories from birth mothers who've found healing after adoption.

Post-Adoption Life for Birth Mothers: Q&A

How do I bring up adoption when starting new relationships?

Dating after adoption is possible. The right person will respect your story. Be honest and straightforward: "I placed a baby for adoption, and it's an important part of my story."

How Do I Handle Boundaries With the Adoptive Family?

Boundaries in open adoption can shift over time—that's normal. If you need more space, say so. If you want more contact, ask. Healthy communication keeps relationships balanced. If you're struggling, reach out to us—we can help mediate.

How do I respond to people who judge or don't "get" my decision?

Not everyone will understand adoption. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Set boundaries with judgmental people and surround yourself with supportive communities.

Will certain dates, like my baby's birthday or the day of placement, always feel difficult?

Certain dates can bring up strong emotions. Creating intentional rituals (lighting a candle, writing a letter, looking at photos) can help you honor the connection while processing grief.

Will My Child Understand My Decision One Day?

In open adoption, children often grow up understanding their birth mother's love. When they hear your story, why you chose adoption and how much you wanted the best for them—they can see it as an act of love.

We're Still Here for You — Reach Out Anytime

Life after giving baby up for adoption is hard. There's no sugarcoating it. But you don't have to go through it alone.

At American Adoptions, we're still here for you. Our counseling services, support, and guidance don't stop after placement. We're here for the hard days, the healing days, and everything in between.

Call 1-800-ADOPTION anytime you need to talk. We're available 24/7.

You are strong. You are brave. And you are not alone.

Explore more resources for birth mothers navigating life after adoption.

Disclaimer
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